Subscribe Contribute Advertise Facebook Twitter Instagram Forums Newsletter
Pure rant
Display Avatars Sort By:
Ken Thompson
(kthompson) - MLife

Locale: Behind the Redwood Curtain
Pure rant on 06/30/2014 10:36:14 MDT Print View

Finally after 10+ years I had to switch the avatars off.

I know it is my problem and not theirs.

But some are just so awful.

I really wish we had a friend and foe setting like HF where you can skip seeing posts from persons you choose to ignore.

But wishing here is a folly.

Justin Whitson
(ArcturusBear1) - F

Locale: On Vacation from BPL
Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 11:29:33 MDT Print View

closing the heart, so much needless suffering. It is easy to think well of those who are more like self, but when others are rather different than self, so much harder?

Retreat into the black?, it's safer for the fragile ego, no challenge, no growth, stagnation.

Ken Thompson
(kthompson) - MLife

Locale: Behind the Redwood Curtain
Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 11:42:24 MDT Print View

Whatever. Matthew Perry rule applied.

Oddly enough it was Justin's avatar that pushed me over the edge. And I avoid Justin's posts like the plague generally.

Edited by kthompson on 06/30/2014 11:45:19 MDT.

Justin Whitson
(ArcturusBear1) - F

Locale: On Vacation from BPL
Re: Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 14:19:18 MDT Print View

Not so odd Ken, this self is very intuitive, very open, often can FEEL others very deeply and time/space or lack of spoken communication or direct interaction are no barriers.

Knew what and who you were talking about, which is why i replied the way i did. Could feel the dislike and the intolerance. Also know what's going on below the surface, in the unconscious and conscious, the pain, the depression, the lack of self love behind it. The seething rage bottled deep upside, and the layer of melancholy sadness and grey, numb over same. You were born sensitive too, but this broken world, broke your heart, and now habitual bitterness, cynicism, avoidance are your defenses against those difficult feelings and knowings.

But so much good in you, very loyal and in your own way, very giving, often a rock to others close to you and an older soul. Would do almost anything for those whom you love, respect, and trust. But it's not enough to love and accept those whom you love, it needs to become wider, more expanded.

Ken, if i could leave this world without breaking my contract, or hurting those few who do love and accept me, i would, or at least i feel that way in my moments of weakness/ego/self pity/own self pain. We have that much in common at least ;) I wish i fit in more, i wish i didn't know the things i know, or have the experiences i've had, or not feel the sense of responsibility to try to affect positive change and foster awareness.

I've never been accepted by the majority of those around me, ever since i can remember, being little, was made to feel different, not belong, not liked, not accepted, strange. Being "picked on" doesn't being to describe it, and believe it or not, for most of my life, i've been pretty quiet, introverted, withdrawn, unexpressive. Yet, still often disliked, and occasionally even despised.

When i was very little, could feel so much suffering in this world, all around me, in most people, it literally HURT. So when asked what i wanted to be when i grew up, the only thing i could think of was a "doctor" to everyone, everywhere. Wanted to help people get past that pain, that self dislike, to see the beauty in themselves, in others, in the world.. because despite the darkness and the brokenness of this world, it still has so much more beauty than just the obvious nature part. Felt so much love for this world and for everyone, but from kindergarten on to present day to varying degrees, have had people really dislike me.

Deep down you resent that the world hasn't broken my heart, and embittered me. You see me as a deluded, fake, egotistical beyond belief, imbalanced, when in reality i'm making up/balancing for 25 years of my 34 years of my life being quiet and withdrawn to the point of near autistic behavior. I've transformed so much of the fear inside, and am almost naked to the world, and deep down that bothers you irrationally and strongly. You keep so much hidden, out of fear, caution, self preservation. You only open up to those you trust, and those you test well before giving that trust. I know how that is, i use to be like that too.

Well, in any case, i'm going to take a vacation from here for quite a long while. Just want you to know that i love you (and everyone) deeply and unconditionally, forgive you, and wish you happiness and peace. I know i can be a little much at times, annoying and over self expressive. I'm trying to find my balance, and still have plenty of issues and ego to work on too.

And i'm somewhat content (and also sad for Becky and our future children) in knowing that i may get what i wish for sooner than later, as my wife has had a few future oriented dreams wherein i die young, one pinpointed my mid 40's or so after we have had a few kids. Meanwhile, i will try to do the best i can with what i know, and will always try to follow in my Teacher's footsteps and example, though often failing.

Katharina ....
(Kat_P) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Coast
Re: Re: Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 17:00:57 MDT Print View

"..........I forgive you......I love you unconditionally....I used to be like you...."

Why not feel and do all that without writing about it?
Your good feelings and intentions get tainted by how you present it and that is maybe why you get called out on here.

Ian B.
(IDBLOOM) - MLife

Locale: PNW
Re: Re: Re: Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 17:28:52 MDT Print View

"Why not feel and do all that without writing about it?"

It's interesting to me that we live in a society where we superficially praise individuality but in reality beat down those who are non-conformists.

Don't be like everyone else but follow all the written and unwritten rules or suffer the consequences.

Ken Thompson
(kthompson) - MLife

Locale: Behind the Redwood Curtain
Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 18:14:54 MDT Print View

Perfect example.

Chaff

Unrelated to any of the forums above. No rules regarding the topic. Opinions, politics, the benefits of heavy gear, you name it. Please, no commercial posts, and NO SPAM. Courtesy is monitored in the other forums. In this one, you may need some thick skin to play with the big dogs.

It's a lightweight backpacking site Ian. Who conforms here? Reject what the masses embrace. Embrace what the masses reject.

My opening post has nothing to do with judgements or acceptance . Merely a reaction to visual stimulus.

Edited by kthompson on 06/30/2014 18:43:51 MDT.

Katharina ....
(Kat_P) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Coast
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 18:16:09 MDT Print View

Maybe I am not getting your post Ian. I objected to a post that talks about forgiveness and love and being beyond the place Ken is at .....because in my opinion the post negated itself.

Ian B.
(IDBLOOM) - MLife

Locale: PNW
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 18:51:57 MDT Print View

Katharina,

I guess I'm not getting your post either. Much of this is reminiscent to me of the feeding frenzy/dog pile that Daniel Fish was subjected to last year which resulted in him leaving the forum. Never not once did he ever say a mean spirited thing so I thought it was unfortunate that he chose to leave.

I don't have a New Age bone in my body but have witnessed a singular supernatural event that I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. I don't and won't talk about it here and rarely will with people that I trust so I guess I admire Justin's courage to discuss all things at all levels with complete honesty (as he knows it).

So when I read "Why not feel and do all that without writing about it?", it seems to me that you're asking him to suppress something that makes Justin, Justin. I don't presume that we'll all agree even most of the time and I also don't feel that Justin is exempt from criticism as NONE of us are but nothing he says here is mean and I don't think people should be encouraged to put on a false persona. I'd rather blast Slayer on my headphones to drown out the Yanni than encourage an otherwise kind and harmless person to behave in a way that's contrary to their nature.

I guess I just like it out here in the lunatic fringe and enjoy the company and yes, I realize my $#!+ stinks just like everyone else's.

Doug I.
(idester) - MLife

Locale: MidAtlantic
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 20:12:34 MDT Print View

Someone needs a hug.

Not quite sure who though. Maybe the whole fricking lot of you.

Except Ian. He sweats too much.... Though he is pretty hot in a tutu....

Edited by idester on 06/30/2014 20:13:21 MDT.

Katharina ....
(Kat_P) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Coast
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 20:20:45 MDT Print View

I never said he was mean and I get a lot of what he is saying; the preaching is a bit much for me.

My posts are also an expression of who I am so I hope that is accepted as well. :)

Ian B.
(IDBLOOM) - MLife

Locale: PNW
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 20:39:16 MDT Print View

I think the message you were trying to deliver and the one I received are probably different.

You're one of my favorite people here and we're all adults. I also assume that I'm amongst friends and that we can call each other on each other's bull$%!+, both real and imagined; my BS most of all.

Doug,

Wait until you see me in stiletto heels.

Katharina ....
(Kat_P) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Coast
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pure rant on 06/30/2014 22:28:19 MDT Print View

Fair enough Ian. I get defensive...but I hear you : it should be ok to be a little different and I think the whole benefits from that.

Tom Kirchner
(ouzel) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest/Sierra
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pure rant on 07/01/2014 20:29:18 MDT Print View

"It's interesting to me that we live in a society where we superficially praise individuality but in reality beat down those who are non-conformists.

Don't be like everyone else but follow all the written and unwritten rules or suffer the consequences."

Well said, Ian.

There is a world of difference between the benign and the malicious. Why not at least tolerate and encourage the benign, even when one doesn't necessarily agree? Or perhaps understand? Lord knows we could use a little more of it in this f'ed up world. OK, a lot more. It's all too easy to focus on the manner of presentation and ignore the intent. Lord knows I am guilty of this, and have struggled at times with Justin's posts. However, I have come to see him as always benign, always sensitive, and occasionally possessed of insight. Certainly undeserving of abusive responses, IMO.

Ken Thompson
(kthompson) - MLife

Locale: Behind the Redwood Curtain
Pure rant vs. pure metaphysical BS in the Chaff proving ground on 07/01/2014 21:49:10 MDT Print View

Harsh, but honest. I'm a prick. You are all use to that. I certainly get judged by the enlightened one pretty harshly here though. And that BS about feeling my presence through space or what not. We had just made posts on another thread and talked about brutal honesty. That is where the idea for this thread came up. Posted correctly in Chaff. Read, understand and follow instructions...

Chaff

Unrelated to any of the forums above. No rules regarding the topic. Opinions, politics, the benefits of heavy gear, you name it. Please, no commercial posts, and NO SPAM. Courtesy is monitored in the other forums. In this one, you may need some thick skin to play with the big dogs.

In my OP I only mentioned that I did not like some avatars and that I would like to be able to hide some posters. After I make a general statement. Immediate judgement follows. All is fair after that point. That is how Chaff has worked for a decade plus.

Justin Whitson
(ArcturusBear1) - F

Locale: On Vacation from BPL
Re: Pure rant on 07/02/2014 01:28:18 MDT Print View

Hi, just dropping in to clear up some things since a few people have written me privately and expressed concern that my vacation was in response to stuff on this thread. The brief answer is no, for that would be a type of letting people have power over me, manipulate me, and i refuse to do/allow that anymore as i did when younger and more thin skinned. The longer answer, well i might as well copy and paste some of my response to one person who asked about it--edited somewhat for privacy purposes.

"Neither really (being over ignored or bullied away)......., more because i've been posting too much and obsessively recently and when i find myself moving into those over attached states, i try to detach some. Plus, i'm getting close to going over my phones data plan limit (right now using it for my main I net connection) and don't want to pay any extra money since they tend to rape one up the arse as soon as you go over your allotted data.

More seriously i can get a little over preachy and over winded at times, and i can see where that would annoy people, but i really was surprised by Ken's feelings towards me, i could feel it pretty strong even before he came out and said he pretty much can't stand me (and my avatar for some reason!?, dunno, maybe he doesn't like cats or red heads? lol). I've never said anything negative to him whatsoever. I did p.m. him once after noting how much he was talking about and focusing on Ryan Jordan, and i just tried to gently say, for his sake, don't let Ryan have that kind of power over you--because it seemed like he was letting Ryan be a stressor in his life.

That's about the only (more deeply) personal interaction i've had with him up until the recent, but maybe he held it against me for some reason--maybe thought i was preaching at him (and in a way i was, but the intent was positive). Folks generally don't take kindly to having younger, whipper snappers, like myself give them life advice... apparently.

Anyways, thank you for the p.m. and for the sentiment. I'll be Bach.. ;) People can't get rid of me that easily (not that they are trying--at least i don't think). Oh, i know Marko and Franco can't stand me and would love to see me go, but that's another can of worms.

It's funny too, because similar with Kat as with Ken, i've mostly only ever tried to be positive to her, and when i have disagreed, i tried to do it impersonally and respectfully. One time she let it be known she was going through a rough time, broken ankle and all. I pm'd her, asked her for permission to pray/meditate to help speed up healing of her ankle and generally to share positive, uplifting energy.

Yet, it appears she doesn't much care for me personally or remember such things. Maybe it's the crazy hormones, well she is one strong personality, that's for sure.

Oh well, guess i need a thicker skin. Again, thank you. While situations like these can be upsetting at times, they are also good challenges and opportunities for growth, and since i still have a lot of growing to do, still need more challenges and testing to strengthen those spiritual muscles...but dang, occasionally i would like some vacations and rests. (jokes about being born under the sign of 'Crappacorn' followed)"

Anyways, also wanted to say, i appreciate the kind and supportive energy publicly and privately that i've received. So thank you. Thank you also to those who have provided challenge and friction--it really is the quickest/most efficient way to grow. You are more part of me, and i of you, than our own fingers. Strange, but true. Also strange but true, in the history of this interesting world, much of humanity has always tried to get rid of and silence those who have known, tried to live, and more over dared to proclaim this eternal, universal truth. It doesn't have to be this way, we don't have to keep breaking or hating mirrors.

Preacher man out

Edited by ArcturusBear1 on 07/02/2014 01:44:42 MDT.

Ken Thompson
(kthompson) - MLife

Locale: Behind the Redwood Curtain
cats on 07/02/2014 07:20:49 MDT Print View

That's it, cats...

Thanks Justin.


ww

Edited by kthompson on 07/02/2014 07:30:11 MDT.

Katharina ....
(Kat_P) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Coast
Re: Re: Pure rant on 07/02/2014 08:33:41 MDT Print View

I probably deserve all that, but you are a most judgemental personality Justin.

Ian B.
(IDBLOOM) - MLife

Locale: PNW
Re: Pure rant vs. pure metaphysical BS in the Chaff proving ground on 07/02/2014 08:49:10 MDT Print View

"Immediate judgement follows. All is fair after that point."

I assume that isn't directed at me as I didn't.

Justin Whitson
(ArcturusBear1) - F

Locale: On Vacation from BPL
Re: Re: Re: Pure rant on 07/02/2014 11:01:38 MDT Print View

Gee Kat, I didn't realize it was a contest, do I win a prize or a nifty trophy? Besides being uber judgemental, I'm also uber competitive...so you, me, after school gets out, meet me at the shady part of the play ground and we will have a judge off, no holds barred, no mercy, no quarter asked nor given...

More seriously, no I'm not free of judgment, but I do see an important but subtle difference between judging behaviors, actions, attitudes, beliefs and judging the person themselves, especially in a fixed and negative way--I really try to avoid that.

For an example, I wouldn't refer to you as a most judgmental person in such a fixed/extreme way, but I might say that when you ripped Jennifer a new one (a couple of times) that you were being overly judgmental, critical, and mean temporarily. Doesn't mean I view you as overly critical and judgmental in a fixed or extreme manner. And when I referred to you as a strong personality, that had both constructive and non constructive connotations in my mind. I actually like you and your strong personality usually. Apparently that trait in women is a turn on for me, for I sure married one very strong woman/personality!

Anyways MUCH worse was said about and done to my Teacher, and getting occasionally a bit demonized, extremely judged, or the like is just the price one will pay for trying to follow in his path and footsteps while in this world.. He even warned us ahead of time that this would happen until this broken world was healed/transformed.

Edited by ArcturusBear1 on 07/02/2014 11:03:43 MDT.