Roll Your Own Toilet Paper
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marcus hampton
(TheCritter) - F

Locale: Pacific Northwest
Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/22/2014 20:35:40 MST Print View

Here's another Critter exclusive.

Toilet paper, bum wad, or arsewipe as it's called in some parts of the world, is considered a necessity among most hikers. Here's a way I was shown to pack TP when I was very young and I've never heard of anyone else doing it this way.

Just remember, you can use leaves, moss, or snow if you start to run low, to make the TP last longer. Sometimes I just rely on leaves, moss, and snow(critter style).

1)Roll your own toilet paper.
2)Packing Toilet Paper for Backpacking and Thru-hiking .

I've never seen a better way to package toilet paper. I was shown these two methods by a Green Beret.

Edited by TheCritter on 01/22/2014 20:54:38 MST.

Don Morris
(hikermor) - F
TP on 01/22/2014 20:58:11 MST Print View

Snowballs are better - and very invigorating

Daniel Pittman
(pitsy) - M

Locale: Central Texas
Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/22/2014 20:59:35 MST Print View

Also, if you begin the roll tightly around a length of string you can use it as a tampon for your bleeding vagina. Man-up, homeboy! You don't need toilet paper in the woods.

Jake D
(JakeDatc) - F

Locale: Bristol,RI
Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/22/2014 21:09:47 MST Print View

not sure why plugging his youtube channel isn't in the Web section..... i think we all know different ways of packing TP.

my method.. smash half roll, put in zip lock bag. works for weekends to 3 week thru hike. having it in a hard plastic container would make it less packable.

marcus hampton
(TheCritter) - F

Locale: Pacific Northwest
Re: Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/22/2014 21:25:51 MST Print View

Thanks for watching my video.

Ken Thompson
(kthompson) - MLife

Locale: Behind the Redwood Curtain
Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/22/2014 21:45:26 MST Print View

Wow, tough crowd. It is winter.

And E
(LunchANDYnner)

Locale: Pacific Northwest
snow? on 01/22/2014 21:59:04 MST Print View

I'm not sure I'd want to risk getting frostbite on my brown eye... I'll stick with the TP.

Edited by LunchANDYnner on 01/22/2014 21:59:35 MST.

shane sibert
(grinder) - F

Locale: P.N.W
Exclusive! on 01/22/2014 22:00:48 MST Print View

"Here's another Critter exclusive"

3rd person....really?

Jake D
(JakeDatc) - F

Locale: Bristol,RI
Re: Exclusive! on 01/22/2014 22:04:23 MST Print View

at least he's moved away from sharp objects he has no skill with.

(did he really stab himself in the arm while cutting up a fish? or is that some Bear Grylls "reality" )

Christopher Kuzak
(KC)
TP on 01/22/2014 22:13:25 MST Print View

Some of these tips stink.

Ken Thompson
(kthompson) - MLife

Locale: Behind the Redwood Curtain
Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/22/2014 22:22:01 MST Print View

It's like a smear campaign.

Roger Caffin
(rcaffin) - BPL Staff - MLife

Locale: Wollemi & Kosciusko NPs, Europe
Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/22/2014 22:34:18 MST Print View

I wonder how much weight you save like this? A few grams maybe?

If you want to limit the amount you take, what's the matter with either folding it up neatly, or just feeding it into a plastic bag concertina fashion?

Cheers

Desert Dweller
(Drusilla)

Locale: Wild Wild West
Toilet paper on 01/22/2014 22:39:36 MST Print View

Yea but what do you do with the USED toilet paper? ( LNT)

Justin Baker
(justin_baker) - F

Locale: Santa Rosa, CA
Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/22/2014 22:42:20 MST Print View

Who the heck needs TP? I just club a rabbit when I need to go. Nice and soft...

Desert Dweller
(Drusilla)

Locale: Wild Wild West
toilet paper on 01/22/2014 22:49:19 MST Print View

Poor critter....;-)

too much blood..use mullein

Roger Dodger
(RogerDodger) - F

Locale: Wess Siide
Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 01:03:25 MST Print View

Critter,
I enjoy your videos, but I don't comment on Youtube.
that first video roll of TP looks "Colorado Legal" :)

I wait till a bathroom roll is down to half inch left on it, then I take it offline. I figure that's about 1 "Al Bundy drop"

then I take 2 more almost empty rolls, easy to collapse them flat, or nest 2 inside the roll of the 1.

When I "go" I don't want to risk dropping the entire trip's TP ration. so I only take 1 of the 3 almost empty rolls.

Roger Dodger
(RogerDodger) - F

Locale: Wess Siide
Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 01:10:15 MST Print View

By the way Critter,
don't worry about the haters ;-) in Central Texas they use the Ti Spork to eat the Texas sized chilly meal portion, and to scrape the chilly crusties from their proverbial "South Bend national park"

David Thomas
(DavidinKenai) - MLife

Locale: North Woods. Far North.
Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 01:16:53 MST Print View

>"I just club a rabbit when I need to go. "

Bear and Rabbit are chatting in the forest. Bear asks, "Don't you hate how the poo sticks to your fur?" Rabbit, "The poo doesn't stick to my fur." Bear, "Well, good . . . . " (insert visual of Bear wiping his backside with Rabbit).

Gary Dunckel
(Zia-Grill-Guy) - MLife

Locale: Boulder
Bunny TP on 01/23/2014 06:29:29 MST Print View

I've never understood that joke, David. Wouldn't you want the poo to stick to the rabbit fur? Otherwise it would be kinda like wiping with teflon.

jerry adams
(retiredjerry) - MLife

Locale: Oregon and Washington
Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 08:41:49 MST Print View

I do it more like your 2nd video - remove tube, I only need about half roll so I find a half used roll, then put in pint ziploc bag.

Benjamin Kelley
(Benjamin.Kelley) - MLife

Locale: Midwest
TP on 01/23/2014 09:04:45 MST Print View

I've always been fond of the little MRE toilet paper, when I need to use it anyways. Mainly because we have extras of it around, since everyone discards them from their MREs and uses their own giant rolls of charmin etc... They are small, I keep one in each of my hipbelt pockets. The compactness you just throw it in your pocket and can head off the cathole not carrying a bag/roll of TP with you. The brown paper wrapper is pretty good at keeping them dry, and it doubles as tender if you can have fires.

Craig W.
(xnomanx) - F - M
Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 09:22:40 MST Print View

"Also, if you begin the roll tightly around a length of string you can use it as a tampon for your bleeding vagina. Man-up, homeboy! You don't need toilet paper in the woods."

Really?

Delmar O'Donnell
(Bolster)

Locale: Between Jacinto & Gorgonio
Third Person on 01/23/2014 09:42:46 MST Print View

Why not just one "Critter posts a video" thread that Critter can update when Critter feels like it? Personally, Delmar likes to open a thread and read the thread, not get a redirect to YouTube every time. But some people might, so...why not a single thread for Critter vids? Then everybody's happy.

KEN LARSON
(KENLARSON) - MLife

Locale: Western Michigan
Toilet Paper Free Expeditions on 01/23/2014 10:40:12 MST Print View

Check this OUT!!

http://www.backpackinglight.com/cgi-bin/backpackinglight/toilet_paper_free.html#.UuFTpCwo7IU

Billy Ray
(rosyfinch) - M

Locale: the mountains
Re: Toilet Paper Free Expeditions on 01/23/2014 10:52:35 MST Print View

"Check this OUT!!

http://www.backpackinglight.com/cgi-bin/backpackinglight/toilet_paper_free.html#.UuFTpCwo7IU "

Those in the 3rd world who do not have toilet paper would walk a mile for a roll of it.

Now this guy who has as much of it as he wants writes about doing without it.

Each to his own.

But to me... exactly zero of his suggested alternatives appeal to me.

I find toilet paper convenient, comfortable, light weight, and no problems with burning it. Any unburned remnants can be packed out.

Billy

Billy Ray
(rosyfinch) - M

Locale: the mountains
Re: Re: Toilet Paper Free Expeditions on 01/23/2014 11:34:41 MST Print View

Addendum:


Roll your own, but don't smoke the used TP... bad ju ju....


Billy

Daniel Pittman
(pitsy) - M

Locale: Central Texas
Re: Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 15:20:25 MST Print View

"Also, if you begin the roll tightly around a length of string you can use it as a tampon for your bleeding vagina. Man-up, homeboy! You don't need toilet paper in the woods."

Really?


Yes, really. And it's not a slight against women. My mother was raised in central America, and they didn't always have 'modern' sanitation in the jungle. I've known from an early age that toilet paper is a luxury, not a necessity.

Critter saying that he learned it from a Green Beret just smacks of dumb machismo to me. Since when are Green Berets supposed to be our role models? I take LNT very seriously, and take major offense at seeing TP blowing around on the trail.

Unless he's just trolling to improve his youtube metrics, in which case "Well played, sir. Now GTFO."

Dale Wambaugh
(dwambaugh) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest
Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 15:35:59 MST Print View

I just take a partial roll, flatten it and put it in a ziplock. The tube doesn't weigh much and can be used for fire starting.

The other trick is to keep a roll in the car, as trailhead outhouses never have TP.

Bob Gross
(--B.G.--) - F

Locale: Silicon Valley
Re: Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 15:50:32 MST Print View

I don't worry about this out on the trail. I just let my staff handle the details.

--B.G.--

John S.
(jshann) - F
Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 17:01:03 MST Print View

To me, if you are using regular toilet paper that cannot get wet, you have failed from the start.

Billy Ray
(rosyfinch) - M

Locale: the mountains
Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 17:43:35 MST Print View

"To me, if you are using regular toilet paper that cannot get wet, you have failed from the start."

I guess you haven't heard of the TP with a DWR coating... that okay with you John? :)

Billy

Justin Baker
(justin_baker) - F

Locale: Santa Rosa, CA
MYOG Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 17:44:24 MST Print View

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3Ad6tBdLbM

David Thomas
(DavidinKenai) - MLife

Locale: North Woods. Far North.
Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 18:18:39 MST Print View

>"To me, if you are using regular toilet paper that cannot get wet, you have failed from the start."

I just multi-purpose the Tyvek ground cloth. It cleans up pretty well in the next stream or once I get home.

Not.

Franco Darioli
(Franco) - M

Locale: Melbourne
Roll Your Own Toilet Paper on 01/23/2014 18:30:13 MST Print View

If you poop by a waterfall you get rid of the evidence and have your bum washed at the same time.
Now, that is LW and multi-use !!!

Warning : if you see salmon jumping upstream, don't do it there !

Desert Dweller
(Drusilla)

Locale: Wild Wild West
Toilet paper on 01/23/2014 18:32:35 MST Print View

DO I need to tell you GUYS about the pee rag? Its a FEMALE thing. :-O Not for poop!
And NO there will NOT be a video....

Edited by Drusilla on 01/23/2014 18:33:09 MST.

Marko Botsaris
(millonas) - F - MLife

Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA
Re: Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/24/2014 09:22:25 MST Print View

Yeah, I never worry about running out. I've watched Mike Clelland's video!

On the other hand, while on a trip driving (in the Mojave where the roadside choices mostly all had spines of one sort or another, or would otherwise strongly object) I really had to go, and knew I was miles from any "civilized" solution. No desert tortoises of the appropriate size seemed at hand.

What I learned: that when considering multi-purposing materials for this in the future, that crumpled notebook paper is NOT the best choice, unless you are a hardened outdoorsman that is hardened in all the right places.

Edited by millonas on 01/24/2014 09:33:14 MST.

Kevin Babione
(KBabione) - MLife

Locale: Pennsylvania
Roll Your Own Toilet Paper on 01/24/2014 11:03:22 MST Print View

The best TP I've found is to cut up the disposable blue shop towels (available at Wal-Mart). I cut a sheet in half and then fold each half into a square. For me two squares a day are what I bring for a trip (plus two extra squares as insurance). They're soft, work well, and (very importantly) can be used in the rain.

I've never tried to burn them...I pack them out when used.

Eric Blumensaadt
(Danepacker) - MLife

Locale: Mojave Desert
Roll your own - REALLY? on 01/24/2014 16:04:09 MST Print View

Wow, that's the most anal thing I've yet seen on BPL. A new record that will long stand.

Just pull out the d@mn cardboard center and flatten the roll.

DONE!

Franco Darioli
(Franco) - M

Locale: Melbourne
Roll Your Own Toilet Paper on 01/24/2014 19:07:13 MST Print View

that's the most anal thing I've yet seen on BPL
Of course it is , we are discussing "wiping bum 101" here....

Steven Diogenes
(stevenn) - F
Re: Re: Re: Re: Roll-Your-Own Toilet Paper on 01/24/2014 20:11:47 MST Print View

"Also, if you begin the roll tightly around a length of string you can use it as a tampon for your bleeding vagina. Man-up, homeboy! You don't need toilet paper in the woods."

"Yes, really. And it's not a slight against women."

Where does the power of this insult come from if not in it's negative connotation of women? It's an insult that relies on the concept of women/vaginas being somehow weak, with the opposite positive value being strength, and only coming from men (clear in your use of the term 'man-up'). ie, 'don't be a weak woman, be a strong man'. That's the sexist (against both men and women) logic that exists behind your insult. Its equivalents are terms like 'pussy' or 'bitch', that are used as a derogatory term for someone who isn't as 'tough' as this culture's standards of masculinity require. Insults like this and the thinking/concepts behind them set us all up for harm. By saying your mother didn't use toilet paper either, you're saying she wasn't weak like a woman, she was strong like a man, but the same sexist logic is present.

There's nothing weak or gross about a woman or their wonderful bleeding vaginas (that you came falling out of no less); there's nothing wrong with a man if they don't live up to your standards of masculinity (or rather, the standards you've accepted). Gender roles and stereotypes suck.. they're damaging, and they're propped up every day by the things we say and how we behave (and the big one, media). I'm no saint either-- we're all born into this and it's a process of unlearning, but I felt it necessary to point out that sexism like that isn't OK anywhere, much less a mature forum like this.

Now don't get your panties in a bunch. (ba dum ch) (subtext: because if you show too much emotion and get a little frustrated you'll be acting like an emotional woman [who else wears panties?]! ...and that would just be terrible... right?......)

Franco Darioli
(Franco) - M

Locale: Melbourne
Roll Your Own Toilet Paper on 01/24/2014 20:33:32 MST Print View

Did Elton John "man up" when he wrote the music to the "The Bitch Is Back " lyrics ?
(that line came from the lyricist's wife when she saw Elton entering the room...)

My comment has to do with some not taking themselves (or life) as seriously as others do.

Steven Diogenes
(stevenn) - F
Franco on 01/24/2014 23:14:20 MST Print View

Sexism is as serious as it gets when you consider stats like 1 in 6 women being a victim of an attempt or an actual rape... and that's only the reported numbers, and it's been established that rape is rarely reported. The number goes up especially for women of color, and drastically goes up for trans women. So while using sexist language doesn't mean you're a rapist, the two are not separate phenomenon. They exist together in a patriarchical and sexist culture, and how easily we accept sexist language is a huge question in light of the literal epidemic of violence against women.

Marko Botsaris
(millonas) - F - MLife

Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA
The Roshi and the Ball'o TP on 01/24/2014 23:29:57 MST Print View

I was waiting until this thread degenerated enough to reveal this tip - just so it would not be too embarrassing by comparison. While I feel this point has been reached, I still fear my tactic is not going to be completely successful. Nevertheless, here goes anyway. As my Latin is rusty, I will try to relate this shocking information in as genteel a way as I can, so as to not cause delicate ladies to faint. I am afraid a youtube video is simply out of the question!

A story was related to me, or maybe I read it somewhere, about a certain Zen Roshi who ran a training temple in Japan I think. Anyway, he was a big cheese so he had his own outhouse. Either he died, or more likely one of the students got the job to clean out the outhouse - but somehow it was discovered that this Roshi was so predictable and systematic in his shitting that inside of the outhouse, in the place there the TP was supposed to go, was found a virtually perfect skyscraper of single squares of used toilet paper, all neatly stacked one on top of the other.

Now I'm sure this was supposed to convey some deep truth, but it was lost on me.

However, some time later I realized that (when backpacking) if you neatly fold up your used TP, very soon it becomes a ball and, for a time at least, it maintains a useful radius and, one might say, architectural integrity owing to its properties of construction - an approximation what Mike Clelland might call the "right sized rock". During this period, or "phase of growth" - one can greatly minimize one's use of TP by making use of the ball as a "substitute rock" with just a few additional sheets of TP covering each use. Now keep in mind when properly constructed the used side of the material is always on the interior, where it acts as a kind of cement, while making no actual subsequent contact. The squeamish have the option of adding a few more sheets of TP, after as extra insulation.

Note this method can also be used with natural materials where the rock-substitute/ball can be used as (Mike Clelland's words not mine) a "finisher". No last-minute moss or stone collecting required!

At some point, but usually if one is economical only on a long trip, the radius may grow to be impractical, at which point the process can be started again. The final shape of the "substitute rock" saves space (of course in a zip-lock) as well as TP used, and is easy to drop in the trash or otherwise appropriately disposed of it after a trip, though stealth is recommended in this last step in order to avoid any embarrassing questions or attention.

I'd like to imagine the Roshi nodding sagely to me in approval after hearing about this - as if we shared some secret knowledge. But most likely you all think I'm a nutter. But there you have it, my up-to-now-super-secret (and super-embarrassing) all-true tip/teachings on saving TP weight, and all in accordance with maximal LNT. And a pox upon you if you burn or bury your TP on the trail.

Edited by millonas on 01/25/2014 01:40:02 MST.

Jennifer Mitol
(Jenmitol) - M

Locale: In my dreams....
What is everyone eating??? on 01/25/2014 08:40:37 MST Print View

I actually do just fine TP-less, and now that I have discovered the wonders of the pee rag I am in bathroom nirvana on the trail!

But my question is this: what do you guys eat that require sooooo much thought about the TP?

Edited by Jenmitol on 01/25/2014 19:29:54 MST.

Diane Pinkers
(dipink) - M

Locale: Western Washington
More fiber? on 01/25/2014 09:01:54 MST Print View

Maybe folks need to add more fiber to their backpacking diets?

Diane Pinkers
(dipink) - M

Locale: Western Washington
Thanks, Steven on 01/25/2014 09:04:19 MST Print View

Thank you for your commentary on use of language, Steven. Folks use phrases without considering their origin or what they really mean, and have no idea how it colors their attitudes and perceptions about others.

Dan Durston
(dandydan) - M

Locale: Cascadia
TP on 01/25/2014 09:47:43 MST Print View

Mark. That's awesome.

Billy Ray
(rosyfinch) - M

Locale: the mountains
Re: Thanks, Steven on 01/25/2014 10:28:06 MST Print View

Steven makes a valid point. But his rant is a bit over the top and edges into the territory of, "me thinks thou protestuth too much..."

I suggest we get back to poop and TP.... and stop the pooping on each other.

Billy

Marko Botsaris
(millonas) - F - MLife

Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA
Re: Re: Thanks, Steven on 01/25/2014 11:30:05 MST Print View

Jennifer, I AM working towards going TP-less. For example I do use natural materials as well. Maybe I'll get there some day.

As for why the obsessiveness in this threat. Seriously? This is BPL!

Steven Diogenes
(stevenn) - F
..... on 01/25/2014 12:52:50 MST Print View

Diane, thanks.

Billy, point taken- I was heated so I probably did get a little too finger-waggy.

Mark, lol, doesn't your... poo ball... start to smell?

Marko Botsaris
(millonas) - F - MLife

Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA
Re: ..... on 01/25/2014 13:06:57 MST Print View

"Mark, lol, doesn't your... poo ball... start to smell?"

You make me sound like a dung beetle! But but no more, and possibly a bit less because of the construction, than any or similar mixture of used toilet paper. It is not an issue if you have a ziplock for use toilet paper, and you can always double-bag.

Also, I don't consider not packing it out an option.

Steven Diogenes
(stevenn) - F
..... on 01/25/2014 13:25:45 MST Print View

Mark, I'm curious about this... according to Thruhiker, TP degrades in ten days when buried 6 inches-- does that still conflict with LNT? Is there a difference between spending ten days at a site, and letting TP disappear in ten days? Is there a difference between leaving your poop under the ground to disappear (which probably takes much longer than TP), and leaving the TP under the ground to disappear? Just a few questions I'm pondering.

Billy Ray
(rosyfinch) - M

Locale: the mountains
Re: ..... on 01/25/2014 18:14:39 MST Print View

"TP degrades in ten days when buried 6 inches"

I may... in some climates. But I've encountered TP in the High Sierra where it is all mineral soil and very dry that has been there for years... at least that's my estimate. But certainly a LOT longer than 10 days... and longer than one season...

Billy

Steven Diogenes
(stevenn) - F
TP on 01/25/2014 20:06:53 MST Print View

Billy, I didn't think of that. I imagine the rate it degrades correlates to how much life is in the soil.

What about burning it?

Daniel Pittman
(pitsy) - M

Locale: Central Texas
Critter TP on 01/25/2014 20:16:44 MST Print View

Steven, the power of the insult (and the humor) comes from me going 'over the top' with a hyper-masculine response. I would never say anything like that in real life but I thought it was appropriate considering Critter's statement that he learned it from a Green Beret. The military is still largely a 'boys club' and misogynistic words and deeds are par for the course.

In actual fact, I am extremely pro-woman. I will raise my son to respect women as equals to men. My mother is an amazing woman, and my seven sisters are very dear to me.

I'm offended by Critter's video because it encourages people to carry and use a lot of TP. If you need that much, and you have to compact it that much, how are you planning to pack it out. If you plan on burying it, GTFO. If you plan on burning it, GTFO. If you're planning on carrying a gallon ziploc full of used TP, please don't camp near me. Just learn to wash your butt, then wash your hands. It's so much easier!

Steven Diogenes
(stevenn) - F
Re: Critter TP on 01/25/2014 20:33:50 MST Print View

Daniel, I didn't catch the military hyper-masculine part of the joke. That makes more sense and I get that you wouldn't actually say that straightforwardly. That said, even in jest, it was a still an insult (a meta-insult, I guess), that relies and reinforces a negative conception of women. I'm not saying you're not respectful of women in a bigger sense, but the language we use and the unstated ideas behind what we say play a part in a larger picture of an epidemic of violence against women. Anyway, thanks for taking it in stride and if I was too preachy, I apologize.


As far as TP, out of curiosity, why do you feel so strongly about burning or burying it?

Daniel Pittman
(pitsy) - M

Locale: Central Texas
Re: Re: Critter TP on 01/25/2014 21:28:45 MST Print View

It's all good. Some forms of humor don't work so well on the internet as they do face-to-face. Thanks for allowing me to clarify.

Burning TP is a valid option in some areas. But with drought conditions all over the place, I think it's irresponsible to teach burning TP as a regular practice.

Another poster mentioned that burying doesn't work in all soils.

Washing your butthole with water or snow seems to work just about everywhere, and we all wash our hands after going to the bathroom anyway, so why bother with TP? After all, this is BPL and there's nothing lighter than leaving something at home.

I rarely use TP at home even. I usually move my bowels in the morning, then hop right into the shower before heading to work. Probably TMI, huh?

Now, someone needs to tell me what all these gals are talking about... pee rags?

Marko Botsaris
(millonas) - F - MLife

Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA
Re: Re: Re: Critter TP on 01/25/2014 21:44:23 MST Print View

Daniel, THIS is why I think we need a set of universal sarcasm and irony smilies. There should be a committee set up, or something.

Life would just be too uncivilized without irony, and on this site it is pretty much required a lot of the time. Unfortunately this high art does not transfer that well online, and forces you almost to forgo subtle irony. I say next time go BIGGER and MORE obvious! Yeah, that might work!

(jumps into a figurative trench and slowly peaks over the edge to see what will happen)

Trace Richardson
(tracedef) - MLife

Locale: Southern California
Yes, please on 01/25/2014 21:50:31 MST Print View

If my knucklehead buddies didn't call me a pussy or bleeding vagina at least once every few days, I would start to think they didn't love me.

Edited by tracedef on 01/25/2014 21:55:30 MST.

Bob Gross
(--B.G.--) - F

Locale: Silicon Valley
Re: Re: Re: Re: Critter TP on 01/25/2014 21:55:08 MST Print View

Many decades ago, I was a young Army trainee at boot camp. We were taken to one of the training ranges where we were instructed in how to bivouac overnight. During that first night out, nature made its call, so I went digging around for some place to make a deposit. Virtually everyplace where I dug, used toilet paper would emerge from the dirt. It got disgusting pretty quickly. That is also where I learned to burn the TP whenever it was safe to do so. Buried ash will disappear pretty quickly.

In the Mount Shasta Wilderness, the forest service would issue a WAG bag to everybody on a wilderness permit for the volcano. Inside the WAG bag was some TP, some kitty litter, and one big paper bull's eye target to lay on the ground. Instructions for use had to be printed on the target.

--B.G.--

Daniel Pittman
(pitsy) - M

Locale: Central Texas
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Critter TP on 01/25/2014 22:58:01 MST Print View

When I was in Navy boot camp, our CC (uh, like a drill instructor) had to teach us how to take a 'military shower': "You filthy recruits need to wash your asses!" "Wash your whole butt... and your butt-hole." "Wash your crack, your undah, your 'tween, and your taint." "Wash all your Major parts, and your Private parts." "Y'all ain't got any hair to wash, but run a soapy hand over your scalp anyway." "Wash your feet last." "You can do all this in one minute, but in my generosity I will give you eighty seconds."

Curiously, she didn't teach us how to go to the bathroom. OTA2 Jones, thanks for everything.

Franco Darioli
(Franco) - M

Locale: Melbourne
Roll Your Own Toilet Paper on 01/25/2014 23:25:39 MST Print View

Gary :
"I've never understood that joke, David"
The rabbit meant his own poo.
I tested that at the age of 12 (my grandparents were farmers ) .
No dang stuck to their bum (the rabbits bum, not my grandparents) but when I wiped the bull's ass with a white rabbit he turned dark brown (the rabbit not the bull).
Then the bull turned on me but that is another story.

Sorry. I corrected the colour. it was probably dark brown, but it was dark in there (the stables were, not the bull's ass)
Maybe the bull's ass was also dark but I wiped that memory out of my brain (I needed the space )

Edited by Franco on 01/25/2014 23:36:27 MST.

just Justin Whitson
(ArcturusBear)
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Critter TP on 01/25/2014 23:35:04 MST Print View

"The military is still largely a 'boys club' and misogynistic words and deeds are par for the course."


I'm reminded of a very recent conversation i had with a friend (a woman), who has been applying for jobs. Being an artist as she is, there was a guy she "interviewed" with, who was trying to start a business of drink and draw type thing and was looking for a recruiter/supervisor of sorts with an artistic background. He boasted about having been in the military for 25 years and now being retired from same.

From what she described about the way he was talking about women and his general views, well "misogynistic" doesn't seem to begin to describe it (sick/imbalanced and really immature comes closer). The US military at least is a culture wherein women are regularly and routinely sexually assaulted or harassed (as much as they try to keep this under wraps, thankfully some brave women DO sometimes come forward).

I can't say that the military made him this way, or that he would be different if he hadn't been in there for so long, but it does seem to be an amplifier of certain things (including some positive stuff too, but speaking about general views and treatment of women), and only the more decent and more mature folks like Doug, Ian, and others here we know avoid such tendencies and developments.

Can women partake of, support, and further this kind of negative culture in the military. You bet yah, there are sins of both commission and omission, unfortunately the latter is usually due to fear, or the hard heartedness that the military tries to foster and facilitate.

Daniel Pittman
(pitsy) - M

Locale: Central Texas
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Critter TP on 01/26/2014 00:06:22 MST Print View

I deal with sexism all the time.

My boss at the bike shop is a lady. Her dad owns the shop, and her grandfather started the business. She's been around bike shops her whole life, and knows more about the product than I do. I can fix them better, but there's nothing on the sales floor she can't handle. Still, sometimes she calls me out to help a customer simply because they just will not believe that a woman knows anything about bicycles.

My ex-wife moved back to California and took our car with her. When she has to take it in for service, she has me call the shop to discuss the estimate. She knows that if she doesn't get me involved they will try to f*%k her. And it's true!

If my girlfriend has an issue with a medical bill, or a customer service issue at a store, she has me take care of it. She's perfectly capable, but I get better results faster.

It's a bunch of BS and it sucks, but it's a real thing. All I can do is try to treat all my customers fairly. To me they are all idiots who don't know how to ride or maintain their bikes. Women and men are equally capable of destroying perfectly good bikes.

Jennifer Mitol
(Jenmitol) - M

Locale: In my dreams....
Not always safe to burn TP... on 01/26/2014 07:19:31 MST Print View

3 weeks before I left for my trip to Patagonia, some idiot tried to burn his toilet paper and started a massive forest fire...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-16369649

Pat pictures

Donna C
(leadfoot) - M

Locale: Middle Virginia
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Critter TP on 01/26/2014 08:45:52 MST Print View

Yes, well it doesn't help when this culture starts out with "Hey Guys..." at the beginning of every sentence. Even Critter's You tube videos begin that way. Many times some don't even notice what they are saying.

Luke Schmidt
(Cameron) - MLife

Locale: The WOODS
Hey guys on 01/26/2014 09:08:12 MST Print View

"Yes, well it doesn't help when this culture starts out with "Hey Guys..." at the beginning of every sentence."

I got an idea. We should all switch to the good old southern "Hey Ya'll." It won't offend anyone and northerns can quit looking down their noses at us southerners for our difference accents and phrases. Win, win, win.

Gary Dunckel
(Zia-Grill-Guy) - MLife

Locale: Boulder
@ Franco on 01/26/2014 09:19:42 MST Print View

Franco, since bunny poop is dried pellets, of course they shouldn't stick to their soft fur. Bear scat, on the other hand, can be quite moist and will likely create a fairly brown rabbit. And then there are cows--I'm glad that it wasn't a cow that asked the rabbit that question. But, all in all, the joke still doesn't make much sense to me, even though it is rather cute if you don't questions the details. Sometimes it's hard to be an amateur scatologist, as I don't enjoy these sort of jokes as much as others do. (just let it go, Dunckel--don't ruin things for everybody else...).

Steven Diogenes
(stevenn) - F
ha on 01/26/2014 09:39:39 MST Print View

From packing TP to feminist analysis to balls of poop Mark carries around to amateur scatology. This is why I love the internet.

Mitchell Ebbott
(mebbott) - F - M

Locale: SoCal
TP Rolling on 01/26/2014 09:47:40 MST Print View

If I can briefly go back to the original topic...

An easier method than the one in Critter's video is to simply wrap the TP around a pencil and then pull the pencil out. You can make a much neater roll that way.

Justin Baker
(justin_baker) - F

Locale: Santa Rosa, CA
Re: Not always safe to burn TP... on 01/26/2014 16:34:21 MST Print View

An idiot burned down a forest but burning TP is not idiotic unless there is dry and highly flammable materials nearby and wind.

Billy Ray
(rosyfinch) - M

Locale: the mountains
Re: Re: Not always safe to burn TP... on 01/26/2014 16:43:18 MST Print View

"An idiot burned down a forest but burning TP is not idiotic unless there is dry and highly flammable materials nearby and wind."

That why the NPs and Nat Forests here in CA just say to NOT burn toilet paper... period.
Rather than saying when/where it's safe and when/where it's not, they opted for the Idiot Proof Rule... 'just say no'....

Billy