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helping girlfriend reduce weight - personal fears
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Dale Wambaugh
(dwambaugh) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest
Re: Basic personality vs gender on 01/13/2014 08:58:53 MST Print View

I don't think these are necessarily gender specific issues. There are all kinds of guys who haul heavy gear and if I heard of a guy with a water source mucphobia, I sure wouldn't think it was effeminate. Quirky, yes, but people often surprise me with such things.

As much as we like to think ourselves as rational modern beings, we are full of superstition, phobias and emotional reactions. We are still defending Copernicus and Darwin!

It is certainly a relationship issue. What would you do with a male hiking companion on these issues? Not much I think. Live by example and tread lightly is my advice.

Anthony Huhn
(anthonyjhuhn) - F - MLife

Locale: Mid West
Girlfriend problems on 01/13/2014 11:07:43 MST Print View

Well on the flip side... there are tons of hikers on here who'd probably go with you if you paid for gas and there are plenty of spreadsheet hikers on here who would love to stay home with your girlfriend.

How about strained, filtered, then boiled, then aquamira'ed water...
That's got to be 10 times better than city water

Anthony
(spreadsheet hiker)

Ian B.
(IDBLOOM) - MLife

Locale: PNW
Re: Girlfriend problems on 01/13/2014 11:09:51 MST Print View

Heh heh! Way to be a team player Anthony!

Anthony Huhn
(anthonyjhuhn) - F - MLife

Locale: Mid West
Second Thoughts on 01/13/2014 11:13:48 MST Print View

Now that I think about it for a second, this lady has kind of a cute hubby, no way she would go for the rest of us right? He probably makes way more than I do too

Anthony
(The ugly poor non-backpacker)

Bob Shaver
(rshaver) - F

Locale: West
men teaching girlfriends on 01/13/2014 16:11:03 MST Print View

You have already proven you are a lunk head, taking her on a 14 mile hike. Its a miracle that she went a second time, especially with the heavy gear. A third party is the best teacher for S.O.s, and I'd get her a book like Mike Clelland's lightweight backpacking book. That will have great tips for her.

Finding a partner who likes to backpack is the hard part. You could bend over backward to let her have a good time, like having good food, carrying her sleeping bag, letting her use your comfy sleeping pad, doing all the cooking and cleanup. If she likes the activity, it would be worth the money to buy her a decent sleeping bag and see how it works out. For water, take a filter plus a water treatment, and double treat the water. For distances, trade off trip styles, one trip your way (but keep the distances down) and one trip her way. Compromise, be considerate, be patient, accept other peoples preferences and opinions as valid, and don't be a lunk head.

Dale Wambaugh
(dwambaugh) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest
Re: "Laying your trip" on anyone on 01/13/2014 16:38:44 MST Print View

Back in the day we called it "laying your trip" on someone. It doesn't fly well no matter what the gender. HYOH holds for couples too. I'm SURE it would go over well with the shoe on the other foot--- NOT :) Whether or not you CAN change someone else, it is overshadowed by not having the right to do so. Physician, heal thyself!

I remember a woman who wrote a post here on BPL years ago about using chemicals for water purification. She met up with another couple on the trail and after finding out that she used chemical treatment, the guy poured her treated water out and refilled with filtered water-- without asking or being asked to do so. I'm still outraged by his audacity.

Edited by dwambaugh on 01/13/2014 23:54:15 MST.

Marko Botsaris
(millonas) - F - MLife

Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA
Re: men teaching girlfriends on 01/13/2014 18:00:02 MST Print View

@bob +1

When I take anyone one a trip with me that is at all new to backpacking, I usually feel like I'm not only required to "put up" with the style of that person (which includes never complaining about it, ever), but it is also my duty to deliberately plan the trip with their interests and physical constrains in mind. I think I would have to do half a dozen trips with someone before I would assume we were on the same wavelength about goals and style. With a GF (one I wanted to keep at any rate) I would feel obligated to assume the "tour guide" role for even longer.

I'd like to believe someone else would do the same for me!

Bob Gross
(--B.G.--) - F

Locale: Silicon Valley
Re: Re: men teaching girlfriends on 01/13/2014 18:05:01 MST Print View

"With a GF (one I wanted to keep at any rate)..."

Mark, what do you do with the non-keepers?

--B.G.--

Marko Botsaris
(millonas) - F - MLife

Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA
Re: Re: Re: men teaching girlfriends on 01/13/2014 19:35:33 MST Print View

"Mark, what do you do with the non-keepers?"

In the words of our beloved members of Congress, "I'm not going to respond to hypothetical questions. Let's move on."

Nick Gatel
(ngatel) - MLife

Locale: Southern California
Re: men teaching girlfriends on 01/13/2014 20:46:59 MST Print View

Maybe, just maybe, backpacking isn't the most important thing in the world, or in a relationship.

A partner who doesn't want to backpack does not indicate a character defect.

Marko Botsaris
(millonas) - F - MLife

Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA
Re: Re: men teaching girlfriends on 01/13/2014 23:24:52 MST Print View

'A partner who doesn't want to backpack does not indicate a character defect."

Super glad we cleared that up!

John Hillyer
(TrNameLucky) - MLife
Re: Re: Re: men teaching girlfriends on 01/14/2014 05:54:27 MST Print View

"A partner who doesn't want to backpack does not indicate a character defect."

True, but it can be a compatibility problem if you like to go backpacking/hiking frequently and your partner doesn't want to have anything to do with it.

Bob Shaver
(rshaver) - F

Locale: West
but a partner who doesn't want YOU to backpack on 01/14/2014 11:25:56 MST Print View

But a partner who doesn't want YOU to backpack is a problem. My first wife thought backpacking was something that guys did in their youth. A mature man should play golf and go to wine tasting parties, so she thought. I discussed these issues with my second wife, so backpacking is not an issue, as far as me doing it as a recurring weekend activity. A partner who backpacks with you is pretty nice, worth making some sacrifices.

Edited by rshaver on 01/14/2014 11:43:25 MST.

Sumi Wada
(DetroitTigerFan) - F

Locale: Ann Arbor
Re: Re: Basic personality vs gender on 01/14/2014 13:19:22 MST Print View

>> I don't think these are necessarily gender specific issues.

My guy's fear is going hungry. He sees these little bags of dehydrated food that's supposed to be dinner and even though he watched me cook, portion and dehydrate them, he's not convinced. So he secretly stashes Cliff bars. Pounds of them. We have ziplock bags full of Cliff bars that have made a couple of trips...

Dale Wambaugh
(dwambaugh) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest
Re: Re: Re: Basic personality vs gender on 01/14/2014 14:34:34 MST Print View

"We have ziplock bags full of Cliff bars that have made a couple of trips..."

He needs a "running out of beer" phobia-- much handier :) Pssst... BURP!

Ken Thompson
(kthompson) - MLife

Locale: Behind the Redwood Curtain
Re: men teaching girlfriends on 01/14/2014 19:20:53 MST Print View

"A partner who doesn't want to backpack does not indicate a character defect."

"True, but it can be a compatibility problem if you like to go backpacking/hiking frequently and your partner doesn't want to have anything to do with it."

+1 to both statements

Jake D
(JakeDatc) - F

Locale: Bristol,RI
Re: Re: men teaching girlfriends on 01/14/2014 20:25:08 MST Print View

these threads make me thankful my GF will go on day hikes, snowshoe day hikes, and short overnight trips as long as i keep the mileage and elevation gain in her wheelhouse. I save harder, longer trips to do solo or with others.

she is improving her packing to be lighter. just sewed us a 2 person bilgy tarp tent that works great and only 2lb. like everyone else.. experience lets you leave more at home.

Steven Paris
(saparisor) - M

Locale: Pacific Northwest
re: helping girlfriend reduce weight - personal fears on 01/14/2014 20:52:13 MST Print View

Harry: You realize of course that we could never hike together.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't hike together because the ultralight part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I know a number of men hikers and there is no UL involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm going ultralight with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to go UL with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can hike with a woman who carries too much weight. He always wants to go UL with her.
Sally: What if they don't want to go UL with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the UL thing is already out there so the hiking is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to go hiking then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew on BPL.

Ken Thompson
(kthompson) - MLife

Locale: Behind the Redwood Curtain
Re: helping girlfriend reduce weight - personal fears on 01/14/2014 21:15:38 MST Print View

Live in a household full of women don't you Steven?

Do Sleepless in Seattle next

Roger Dodger
(RogerDodger) - F

Locale: Wess Siide
Re: re: helping girlfriend reduce weight - Harry/Sally on 01/14/2014 21:38:15 MST Print View

This is AWESOME!