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Clayton Black
(Jivaro) - MLife
Re: Tips to convince wife to let me go solo and still be around when I come back... on 08/30/2013 18:35:18 MDT Print View

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9aaEDzzW2E

Stephen Barber
(grampa) - MLife

Locale: SoCal
Tips on 08/30/2013 22:00:51 MDT Print View

Not a tip for how to convince your wife about letting you solo backpack, more of a tip to developing your relationship with your wife:

What is truly good for one partner is good for the other. Likewise what is truly harmful for one partner is harmful for the other.

Nick Gatel
(ngatel) - MLife

Locale: Southern California
Re: Re: Tips to convince wife to let me go solo and still be around when I come back... on 08/31/2013 17:19:20 MDT Print View

My ex-wife and my new wife had/have no problem with me hiking solo.

What exactly is your wife's concern?

My wife knows I am careful, I plan my trips, I leave her a daily itinerary, I provide phone numbers, and I never ever come back late. She knows there is no cell phone coverage where I tend to hike, and doesn't know there are such things as SPOTs and PLBs. Sometimes she even encourages me to take a trip. But then, I have lots of life insurance :)

Hiking Malto
(gg-man) - F
Let you? on 08/31/2013 20:21:21 MDT Print View

Really?

Eric Blumensaadt
(Danepacker) - MLife

Locale: Mojave Desert
"...life insurance." on 09/01/2013 11:38:26 MDT Print View

"... but then I have lots of life insurance."

Hee, hee Good one Nick!

Now THAT is the most reassuring thing you can tell your wife, girl friend, "significant other".

Roger Dodger
(RogerDodger) - F

Locale: Wess Siide
Re: Tips to convince wife to let me go solo and still be around when I come back... on 09/01/2013 15:55:36 MDT Print View

Tips to convince wife:

1) Cholesterol level is too high.
2) Gym is nasty with slutty single girls on the prowl.
3) Gotta pay to play. Make her an appointment at massage spa.
4) Do ALL your honey-do list, and fix all that is broken, before asking.
5) if she worries, rent a satellite phone form Verizon. http://www.vzwsatellite.com/
6) she doesn't like to sleep alone in the house. Arrange for her to sleep at a friend's place, or invite a male relative to sleep over. I have trained my dog to defend.
7) talk with a neighbor that YOU TRUST, to keep an eye on the driveway, or that can assist if there's a plumbing leak. Murphy's law:Toilet will flood leak when you leave.
8) When you come back, don't gloat that it was the BEST experience of your life. consider that she was stuck at home doing double duty while you were "playing"
9) when you return, reciprocate the favor. Allocate for her to take a mini-vacation.
10) get her involved in your trail details and timeline. stick to your plan, don't be late and don't deviate, come home to her early with flowers and take her out to dinner.

Edited by RogerDodger on 09/01/2013 15:57:14 MDT.

Tom Kirchner
(ouzel) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest/Sierra
Re: Let you? on 09/01/2013 16:25:56 MDT Print View

"Really?"

+1

rOg w
(rOg_w) - F - M

Locale: rogwilmers.wordpress
deleted on 09/01/2013 17:23:27 MDT Print View

deleted

Edited by rOg_w on 09/08/2013 20:15:59 MDT.

Nick Gatel
(ngatel) - MLife

Locale: Southern California
Re: Let you? on 09/01/2013 17:31:28 MDT Print View

"Really"

Tough crowd :)

Anyway, I thought solo hiking was a standard clause in the pre-nuptial agreement. Has this changed?

rOg w
(rOg_w) - F - M

Locale: rogwilmers.wordpress
deleted on 09/01/2013 17:54:08 MDT Print View

deleted

Edited by rOg_w on 09/08/2013 20:16:32 MDT.

Tom Kirchner
(ouzel) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest/Sierra
Re: Re: Let you? on 09/01/2013 18:16:38 MDT Print View

"Tough crowd :)"

Some things are worth standing up for. ;0)

"Anyway, I thought solo hiking was a standard clause in the pre-nuptial agreement. Has this changed?"

This was what made it unnecessary for me to stand up thereafter. I just told my wife to be "This is what I am and this is what I do. I'll compromise on darn near anything else, but my mountain time is sacrosanct. Can you live with that?" We're still together 38 years later, so I guess she figured it was worth it.

Nick Gatel
(ngatel) - MLife

Locale: Southern California
Read This on 09/01/2013 19:39:40 MDT Print View

Today BPL member Craig W posted a solo trip report. I know him well, we have done several trips together. Below is a link to a post in his blog made by his wife.

http://sweepingthegarden.wordpress.com/2011/11/

I have never met his wife, and I cannot speak for her or Craig, but I suspect she doesn't differentiate much between solo or group trips. She does understand the importance for Craig to go hiking and how these trips make him whole, and when he returns he is an even better father and husband. I don't think anyone can make a better argument or state it more eloquently.

Edited by ngatel on 09/01/2013 19:40:45 MDT.

Hiking Malto
(gg-man) - F
Re: Read This on 09/01/2013 20:15:27 MDT Print View

"Today BPL member Craig W posted a solo trip report. I know him well, we have done several trips together. Below is a link to a post in his blog made by his wife.

http://sweepingthegarden.wordpress.com/2011/11/

I have never met his wife, and I cannot speak for her or Craig, but I suspect she doesn't differentiate much between solo or group trips. She does understand the importance for Craig to go hiking and how these trips make him whole, and when he returns he is an even better father and husband. I don't think anyone can make a better argument or state it more eloquently."

+1 should be required reading for reluctant spouses.

Aaron Sorensen
(awsorensen) - MLife

Locale: South of Forester Pass
Re: Tips to convince wife to let me go solo and still be around when I come back... on 09/01/2013 21:15:25 MDT Print View

Keil,

Your problem is that you haven't done anything else crazy enough yet.

Go with someone on a crazy (considered dangerous) hike. Something like Whitney in a day.
Go bungee jumping, do the worlds toughest mudder, (24 hour).

Do a few of these more controlled but more crazy endeavours, and to her a solo hike will be nothing more than a walk in the park.

Stephen Barber
(grampa) - MLife

Locale: SoCal
Tips on 09/01/2013 21:16:25 MDT Print View

" She does understand the importance for Craig to go hiking and how these trips make him whole, and when he returns he is an even better father and husband."

This is exactly what I meant by "what is truly good for one spouse is good for the other." What truly benefits Craig spills over as goodness to his wife and kids. The real "tip" for getting a spouse to allow solo (or any other) hikes, is SEEING how it makes the person whole and improves relations between the hiker and the spouse/kids/etc.

Rich J
(PNWhiker) - F

Locale: Pacific NW
PLB on 09/01/2013 21:17:11 MDT Print View

I explained SPOT vs. PLB to my wife and she suggested I go with the PLB. I think the 'no news is not necessarily bad news' part was the differentiator.

Randy Nelson
(rlnunix) - F - M

Locale: Rockies
Re: "Tips to convince wife to let me go solo and still be around when I come back..." on 09/01/2013 21:39:01 MDT Print View

First of all, lighten up on Kiel. I'm sure he didn't mean his wife actually wouldn't let him go or leave him if he did go solo. And I'd be really surprised if the rest of you don't ever compromise on anything with your wives. "My way or the highway" on all issues isn't a good strategy for a long term marriage.

Kiel, if this is really a touchy spot with her just get her to agree that the first time out will be a trial run. When you come back unscathed after the first trip, she'll hardly have an argument against you going solo again. And after each trip, she'll relax a little more. And get the InReach. And then send messages like "I think a mountain lion is nearby, if you don't hear from me any ......." That should help. :)]

Let me tell you a story about a wife who was not keen on her husband going solo. And he didn't tell her that her concerns were meaningless and to get in the kitchen and cook him breakfast before he left.

Before we start, a confession. My name is Randy, and I'm a loopaholic. I hate to retrace steps. I know the trail looks different on the way back but I don't care. It's still the same pass, lake, stream, etc. I love to loop and plan almost all trips this way.

My wife was, like Kiel's, ummm, not thrilled about me wanting to go solo. I, like my macho brethren, wasn't planning on not going, but figured I could also present a reasoned argument on why it should not be an issue. (And then go anyway if it came down to it. And demand breakfast when I got home.) I suggested getting a SPOT so she'd know I was OK. And then got her to agree that she knew that I would, for the most part, just be walking. She somewhat saw the light and was cool with me going out for a trip but wanted to see how it went. It went fine. And each trip she relaxed a little more. I went on a last minute overnight earlier this year and forget extra batteries for my SPOT. No message was sent and no concern registered as I always so no OK message means nothing.

So fast forward 4 years. I'm still a loopaholic, but my wife, who was once reluctant for me to go solo at all, is now a "backpacking enabler". When loops aren't practical, she hasn't hesitated to drive up to 3.5 hours round trip to drop off a car and drop me and my dog off at the other end.

So ignore all the tough talk and work the issue out with your wife. Hopefully, you too can be married to a backpacking enabler. :)

Edited by rlnunix on 09/01/2013 21:40:24 MDT.

Bob Gross
(--B.G.--) - F

Locale: Silicon Valley
Re: Re: Tips to convince wife to let me go solo and still be around when I come back... on 09/01/2013 22:01:10 MDT Print View

"Go with someone on a crazy (considered dangerous) hike. Something like Whitney in a day."

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

--B.G.--

Richard May
(richardmay)

Locale: Costa Rica
I read her this thread on 09/01/2013 22:20:09 MDT Print View

Well, not that it'll help you but ... I read excerpts from this thread to my wife.

It's gotten me up to two weeks. :)

Thanks ya'll.

Love ya sweetie!

Craig W.
(xnomanx) - F - M
Re: I read her this thread on 09/02/2013 01:07:17 MDT Print View

As you can see from that post my wife added to my blog, I'm a pretty lucky guy. I do everything I can to pull my weight in return.
She has been out of town for the last three nights on a vacation of her own and I've been taking care of the kids. I enjoy it and she walks out the door with my blessings....I cannot stress the importance of reciprocity enough.
If one person feels they're somehow carrying more of the burden than the other, it's going to be pretty hard to let a partner out the door without a sense of resentment.

I was taking solo trips in the mountains long before I married my wife, so that was never something she had to resolve; it was already a part of who I was and she accepted it pretty early on. She trusts me and has faith I can stay out of trouble; I suppose that just comes from knowing each other so long. I used to rock climb a lot...between that and surfing, spearfishing, mountain biking, etc. , I think backpacking solo is probably the least risky pastime she's seen me involved in anyway.