"One specific thing was that I really like the kettle system I have, but currently I've got 2 cups and 2 bowls listed, so that, for instance, my wife and I could both have granola and coffee at the same time. Anyone found that sharing 1 cup/bowl was fine, or did you end up with 2 of each?"
My wife has been backpacking with me for twenty years and will tolerate many things, but I would not dream of not letting her have her own cup of tea in the morning…Dude, I’d lose a hand or get shot reaching for her cuppa…
I carry a two quart aluminum pot with lid, two plastic bowls, spoons and cups, total weight is 13.2 ounces.
We often use this “big” pot to heat water for towel baths – My wife likes to keep clean and it makes her feel belter. If she is feeling better I am feeling better, if you know what I mean!
So, no going to be all sweaty and gross for me –
Anyway, don't sweat the small things to much untill you have dealt with the weight of your "big three" items.
My experience is largely “traditional” backpacking with pack weights in the low 20s for my wife and high 30’s for me. Lately we’ve revised this so my pack weights are more like the 25 for me ( with food and water, four day trip ) and low teens for my wife.
We use Golite Jam backpacks.
I know nothing about you and your wife, but her pack weight seems awful heavy to me.
I carry our shelter, stove, cook kit and all ( or at least the majority ) of our food, plus my extra clothing and rain gear.
My wife carries all our bedding, dopp kit, first aid kit, and her own clothing and rain gear.
She has a bit of a bad back and her knees ain’t the best and tend to swell on trips, so I try like heck to keep her pack weight down as low as possible, and it really makes a difference in how much enjoyment she gets out of these trips.
To save weight, share body warmth and uh, enjoy other perks of marriage, you might want to think about some sort of two-person sleep system. From the get-go my wife and I used a “thermanest” sleep system that has two thermarest pads on the bottom and a single sleeping bag as top cover, and these days we have adopted a Ray Way two person quilt with lighter ( but still full length ) thermarest pads...
I see you have a nice three man tent. Good. I highly recommend that you indeed keep to a comfortable, roomy and weather proof shelter. I made the mistake of trying a Clip Flashlight on a wet five day backpacking trip with my wife. To small, to cramped and to durn wet, both from rain getting in the open doorway and/or condensation when we closed the door...
My wife likes the Timberline 2 tent and has a hard time acepting the fact that I refuse to carry it anymore - At about 7 pounds! But I refuse to carry that beast anymore and am trying tarptents now and we’ll see how she likes these down the road.
She will tolerate just a tarp and has done so several times, but she does sleep better in a tent without the bugs and rodents crawling over us at night.
But squeezing into to small a cramped and wet tent will turn your wife off to camping pretty fast.
I dunno, but your pack weights seem on the heavy side to me. Lots of odds and ends.
Lets see, instead of a potty trowel, we carry a one ounce aluminum snow stake. It makes a fantastic trowel, and it is also a great heavy duty stake for those wild nights when you need to batten down the tent.
A camp stool? Really? Dude…