Now what are we going to do to make it snow?
Since 1977—35 years!—it’s been our tradition at REI (one that started at the REI Berkeley store) to gather outside on a late-autumn day and roast Twinkies over open flames.
It’s an oddball sacrifice to the Unknown, stretching our imaginations to semi-believe that by bribing Snow Spirits with smoke from a few scorched sponge cakes, mountains everywhere would soon be pummeled with powder.
Skiers and snowboarders can dream, can’t they?
The ritual might work. In 2006, shortly after REI Denver hosted its "Burning of the Twinx," a mighty blizzard occurred that produced the sixth highest single-day snowfall in Colorado history. A year later, the Twinkie event preceded 59 days of mountain snow over a 62-day stretch.
Staffers here at REI headquarters near Seattle convened just this week to roast this year's crop of Twinkies. That indicates we have some believers here on campus, or that lots of us health-minded folks at REI just want a once-a-year excuse to scarf junk sweets.
Guilty sugar-high confession: I crept away from the mob, hid in a dark corner and mainlined 3 of them.
Now we hear news that the company that makes Twinkies is shutting down. This is tremendously sad news for the thousands of workers whose jobs are affected. We feel sincerely sorry for anyone affected and extend our sympathy.
This means farewell to fun-inclined indulgences such as Twinkies (a snack culture icon), Ho-Hos, Snowballs and Ding Dongs. (“Yo; Ding Dong, man. Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Yo.” —pivotal dialogue from the Weird Al Yankovic video Fat. See below.)