I've been looking forward to reading your take on this year's classic for some time, thank you.
Now I could wax philosophical about many of the points you raise, but you've done a pretty good job yourself.
I will say I always love the sense of certainty that flickers and shifts and bends with the moment and one's surroundings on hard trips/events like this; contrasting your tone in the video with your tone in the writing, almost swearing it all off one moment, only to later regroup, refocus, reflect and develop a new sense of "certainty" that something will be calling you back and wanting to hit it even harder.
Or not. Such is life.
Good on you for getting out and seeking it, finish or not, wherever this may take you.
Though I suspect it's not the end you were musing about on camera...