I'm curious. What was the rational for the two sets of parents objections?

OP: "Is it rude to fill a wedding registry with backpacking gear?"

Definitely! You should also include some kayaking, climbing, and cycling gear for your friends who are not backpackers. To ignore their favorite outdoor pursuits is quite rude!

"I doubt anything made today would last 48 years, no matter the quality or price."

One example. Check out Falk Copper Cookware. Handmade in Belgium. There's still quality out there. You just have to do your research and bite the bullet when it comes to price. But realize your great-grandchildren will benefit from your prudence.

Yes, it is totally appropriate. My wife and I registered at REI when we got married 18 years ago. The gifts we got from the REI register got way more use than the traditional gifts. Enjoying the outdoors together has been a huge part of what makes our marriage so great. Now we have three kids and we just got done taking them all backpacking in Coyote Gulch last week. We use our china once a year, talking about a waste. It's funny cause my wife didn't want to register for china but her mom made her.

To clarify, I don't think ANYONE should register for china, I can't hardly think of a bigger waste of money.

However I do think it is not the right thing to register for gear for hobbies. There is a reason why wedding gifts are for the new life/home. It's about starting fresh with nice things for you and your new bride to make a home. I think your parents are a more accurate reflection of the people that will be attending your wedding buying you the gifts and I think they are saying it's not a good idea for a reason.

I would suggest saying "Gift Cards" from REI.

You could always sneak an Mlife on to the Wedding list

"You could always sneak an Mlife on to the Wedding list" - Who knows, maybe you will be gifted one for getting married.

I am going to be a little unpopular here, but I find the idea of " registering" anywhere somewhat rude. I get that it helps people get stuff they actually need ( or want....), but to me registering at a store is going too far with it.
I think a list of things you would like is much more appropriate and if that includes backpacking gear, that'd be fine with me.
It must be a cultural thing, as I was not raised with this in Europe. We also would never have kids open all their friend's presents at the party.

Edited for spelling.

Edited by Kat_P on 04/09/2012 14:32:38 MDT.

"but I find the idea of " registering" anywhere somewhat rude"

I can appreciate how it looks to those who aren't used to it. One important consideration though is that when you register at a store, the store tracks when people have bought that item off your registery. So on wedding day, you don't end up with 15 Osprey Exos 58 packs (what a tragedy that would be!) :)

It's all whatever to me, we eloped, so we didn't get any gifts! haha!

Kat, I can see how the American custom of registering at stores would seem rude, like asking for gifts. However, registering serves several useful functions:

It frees the bridal couple and parents from constantly being inundated with "What do you/they want/need?" questions.

It hopefully means the bridal couple won't be inundated with gifts they can't use, especially of the mismatched variety. I remember receiving a bunch of those. Of course, as I mentioned with my daughter, registering didn't completely prevent that problem!

It theoretically eliminates duplication of gifts. Notice I said "theoretically," because, as mentioned above in my daughter's case, it doesn't always work. I had the same thing happen with amazon.com's "wish list" last Christmas--I got several duplicates--and I will never use it again!

If registries are used, the couple should be sure to specify a wide variety of price ranges.

I personally prefer giving a check or gift certificates so the couple can choose what they want. Some people think that's rude, too! You can't win!

IMHO the very best gift would be an item with a special history attached, or something tasteful made by the giver, such as the hand-painted tray from my aunt that I mentioned. However, not all of us are artistic (unlike you!) and not everyone appreciates home-crafted or antique items.

My daughter and her fiance, although they did register at a couple of stores, tried hard to get people to donate to selected charities instead of giving them gifts. That didn't work, either!

>>I think your parents are a more accurate reflection of the people that will be >>attending your wedding buying you the gifts and I think they are saying it's not a good >>>idea for a reason.

Really? How so?

If I listened to my parents, I'd still be be back East living five minutes away from them. ;) At least in my case, most the guests are fellow Coloradoans who are transplants and roughly our age (30s and 40s). Not sure what input the parents would have on our guests...


>>>It must be a cultural thing, as I was not raised with this in Europe.

My fiancee' grew up in Europe as well and never heard of it either.

OTOH, I grew up in the US and truly never heard of a registry until a few years ago. Definitely not part of my cultural heritage either. (To be fair, neither is two kegs of Oskar Blues, a grill and some burgers at a wedding! :) )

Anyway, at least for us, we are doing away with the registry and doing a modern version of the gift box both Adrianna and I grew up with....if people really feel the need to give a gift.

As the saying goes "Our guests presence is a present enough".

And we truly mean it.

How about you collect cash envelopes in a large stuff sack instead of presents.

"(To be fair, neither is two kegs of Oskar Blues, a grill and some burgers at a wedding! :) )"

2 kegs of OB??? I'm sorry but I seemed to have misplaced my invite, please re-send. :)

I think the registering for gear is a great idea! We had already been living together when we got married and didn't need anything so we didn't do it. Shoot, we didn't even send out invitations. Just told friends and family where it would be (Stoneman Meadow in Yosemite Valley) and said if you can join us great (there was only 3 weeks notice) and if not, no problem. Worked out very nicely.

I agree, it is your wedding.

A couple years ago I went to the wedding of some friends son. Sometimes we go camping with the Groom's parents. Of course the parents have all the camping gear, the kids had little. So as a wedding present the Groom's parents bought EVERYTHING the kids would need for any camping trip. I thought it was really cool and stuff they could use.

My wife and I have some expensive wedding gifts we received when we got married. I am afraid to touch them, as I might break them. A McHale would have been a much better gift for me :)

Of course, cash is King!

I don't think it would be rude at all. It would have been so much more fun for my wife and I to get outdoor stuff from REI than the usual blenders, kitchen items, etc. We must have just been too traditional 32 years ago to even think of something creative like that. A great idea I think. Congratulations!

I registered for things i needed this included a bunch of car camping gear, pots and pans, small appliances.

So 6 years later what i still use are

Pots and pans, a good pot set is a fantastic gift and lasts forever so if you dont have a nice set it is a great gift
Kitchen aid mixer and blender
Camping stove, camping pot set
Tent
Tools
Cutlery

Things i never used / dont use any more
Gimmicky appliances, if you get them take them back
Bedding
Towels

I would say that 5 years later camping gear is definately one of the gifts that last and outside of the pots will probably last the longest.

">>I think your parents are a more accurate reflection of the people that will be >>attending your wedding buying you the gifts and I think they are saying it's not a good >>>idea for a reason.

Really? How so?

If I listened to my parents, I'd still be be back East living five minutes away from them. ;) At least in my case, most the guests are fellow Coloradoans who are transplants and roughly our age (30s and 40s). Not sure what input the parents would have on our guests..."

Relating your choice of where to live/move and how to live your life has little to do with what you register for as gifts. My advice is geared towards Logan, and I got the impression the parents are throwing them a wedding versus he is paying for his own wedding. The parents probably know 90% of the people attending the wedding. There is a reason why wedding gifts are geared towards the home, it's because two people are coming together to make a new family and a new home.

I also don't subscribe to the idea of 'it's your day, do whatever you want and your guests should just suck it up and deal with it, if they don't like it forget them'. Weddings are about the bride and groom yes but if you expect people to travel from all over, take time off work, spend money coming to your wedding and bring you a thoughtful (and expensive) gift to share and add to the excitement and specialness of the day then the wedding is no longer just about you. If you are footing the bill and want to do your own thing, if people come or not you don't care then fine, it is your choice but I have also seen where people do that then complain that nobody came.

When I got married we had not lived together but between the two of us we had all the sheets, towels, plates, whatever to outfit our home but those things were our stuff, mis-matches, college stuff. We registered for nice, new things that were ours together. Sheets that only we will have slept on together, dishes only we will have eaten on together. Our old stuff we donated and or gave away to friends. We got new towels, new pots and pans, cooking utensils we needed to cook nice meals together. We didn't get 5 butter dishes, no fine china that gathers dust. Almost 5 years later we are still eating off our nice matching dishes, still cooking together with our wonderful pots and pans, still drying off and enjoying our matching towels, and enjoying our wonderful new mattress, with wonderful new high thread count sheets, under our awesome down blanket with beautiful duvet cover on our awesome pillows. These things are our things, in our home, that we built when we joined together in marriage. This, to me, is what marriage and wedding gifts are about...the new home that is created when two people join in marriage.

Backpacking and climbing may be an activity the married couple enjoy together every week for the rest of their lives but, it is a hobby and in my opinion, has nothing to do with a wedding.

All that said, I give cash in an envelope with a card for wedding gifts. Folks can buy whatever they want with it but that is not typically how Aunt Suzie and Uncle Jim feel. Aunt Suzie and Uncle Jim want to feel good about giving a gift for the new home of the bride and groom, not feel bad that the $350 pot and pan set they gave you is boring compared with the snowboard set Aunt Sally gave you.

BTW I don't think it is rude, just not appropriate for the occasion.

Edited by TylerD on 04/10/2012 10:58:49 MDT.

Without making a bunch of assumptions about who is paying for what, what gifts are supposed to represent to you or the people who give them, and which relatives want to buy you X, and whether or not hobbies will come and go....


Registering at REI (or where ever) is not rude at all.

It's awesome that you two can enjoy the outdoors and backpacking together. If you were my friends, or relatives, I would be very happy to know I was giving you a gift that would help you to have that experience.

...when you register at a store, the store tracks when people have bought that item off your registery. So on wedding day, you don't end up with 15 Osprey Exos 58 packs (what a tragedy that would be!) :)

It's all whatever to me, we eloped, so we didn't get any gifts! haha!


Too funny, Kier! We eloped also. Maybe I should start a thread, "Is it too late to fill a second-wedding registry with backpacking gear?"

If group consensus approves then I'll have to get that ceremony in order :D