Thanks everyone. I'm okay. This is going to sound cold but I am kind of mad at him for not taking care of his health. I seem to yo-yo from that to sorrow.
My biggest sadness in all of this is seeing how it is tearing up my Mom. It's like someone has ripped her heart out all over again.
Now that I am a mother, I think that it makes me understand a bit more but I honestly don't think that I could ever fully know how awful it is and I hope I never have to find out.
There is no visitation or service for him. He is simply being cremated and his ashes will be sprinkled, by his three sons, on an old abandoned racetrack that he spent many of his teenage years at. Dan was an avid Nascar fan and he had fond memories of the old track when my brother, Bruce, and he would go there. While I understand the want for this, it does make it hard for there to be closure for some of the family and friends.
So, instead of going to a funeral service, I ran. Quite literally. Our family went to the track and this was my best pace so far. I figure the running is good therapy. It clears my head.
I think I am going to plant a trail or make a donation to a trail in his name or something. I'll figure it out.
Thanks so much for keeping my Mom in your thoughts. She's a pretty incredible lady and so strong but I worry about her. I really do appreciate the prayers.