Enjoyable thread, Ike; good idea!
Definitely a 'hospital bath' Immediately upon reaching the car, and a change of clothes. Then,
Lots of soda! Refills all the way home! I drink plain water at home, but several days of the back country fires-up my sweet tooth. Before hitting the trail, like many, I prepare a cooler with ice (and soda), then hide it completely from our notorious Sierra black bears (especially Yosemite!).
Years ago, a trip into Sequoia meant a big, fat, juicy double cheese burger, double fries, and a chocolate shake (from Fudrucker's in Fresno)! Now, it's a belly-buster size burrito from a place in Modesto, after coming out of Yosemite.
After pizza and root beer a several years ago, it's been: anything & Root Beer ever since. So good after a hike.
Once home, even if it's 2 am, a LONG, HOT shower. All the way 'til the water heater's got nothing left.
My wife will ask about the trip, and I, still amp'ed, proceed to tell her more than she really wants to know. (She's quite understanding about this part!)