You know how when you scratch your pup in JUST the right spot, her eyes roll back in her head and she starts flailing one of her legs like mad? You know you’ve just given your dog a taste for what it must be like to smoke crack while listening to “We Will Rock You” blaring over the stereo.

Well, that’s how I feel when I get home from work and there’s new gear waiting in a Priority Mail box on my doorstep. Yup, complete with the flailing leg and Queen……. Let that one sink in for a moment…….

So, thinking about this (while listening to Queen’s Greatest Hits, as a matter of fact, followed by some Rachael Yamagata), I jotted down the following Ode to a Gear Junkie..

The day’s really sucked, the commute’s been a bear
It’s raining like mad but I don’t really care
‘Cause I know when I get to my house in a few
There’ll be some gear on my doorstep, and it’s brand spanking new!

So I race up my street with my wipers a wiping
I’m ignoring the NPR guest who’s still griping
I wheel into my driveway, excited to the core
Hop out of my car and run to the door

I gingerly pick up the package that’s there
At the return address I stand there and stare
Then I open my door and I shuffle inside
With an anticipating grin that’s really quite wide

I carefully open the box with my knife
Knowing one little slip would cause me such strife
Soon I’m holding my new gear in my now shaking hands
Then I look to the ceiling shouting ‘Life is so grand!’

I’m laughing, I’m snorting, I’m crying, I’m peeing
I’ve got some new gear and the feeling’s quite freeing
I’m overjoyed and doing my own happy dance
While my pup, in the corner, shoots me a quick anxious glance

My kit’s now complete, I tell myself, truly
Which is good, since my gear room is getting unruly
I then gently put it away with such care
Either beside or on top of all the other gear there

Then I amble down stairs wearing a self satisfied grin
And suddenly my excitement is beginning to thin
I sit at my iMac and stare at the screen
I open my browser, I’m at it again

Someone recommends something new and light on BPL
I click on the link and this new gear looks swell!
I read all the specs, blood rushes to my head
I hover my mouse pointer on the button pulsing red

Then I click ……….. Add to cart ………. Complete order …………. Sigh...........

The day’s not been bad, the commute’s still too long
It’s the fourth time the radio’s played this very same song
But I know when I get to my house in a few
There’ll be some gear on my doorstep, and it’s brand spanking new!

Edited by idester on 04/13/2011 17:30:37 MDT.

LOL, Doug. Another stellar effort by a hilariously sick mind. ;-)

Haha! Nice.

You have a gear room? I just have partial closet dedicated to gear.

Gotta get more gear.....

..have got to have some Irish in you, Doug : )

Travis, I think he has a room for his favorite ....Cuben; Spinn and Titanium share a room and poor old Sil sleeps in the basement..

" I just have partial closet dedicated to gear."

+1. Doug, you need professional help!! :)

"Doug, you need professional help!!"

He's getting all sorts of professional help, Ben: Mountain Laurel Designs, BPL Gear Shop, Ultralight Adventures, etc. ;)

"..have got to have some Irish in you, Doug : )"

And always on the lookout for a gal who'd like a little Irish in her as well.......

"And always on the lookout for a gal who'd like a little Irish in her as well......."

You're on a roll, Doug. Don't stop now.

LOFL

>And always on the lookout for a gal who'd like a little Irish in her as well.......

WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!

EPIC. Bookmarked for a rainy day...

I can see this becoming the new BPL theme song.

Douglas,

I could really relate to this one.

Made my tail wag just reading it.

Daryl

And just the opposite is when the mail tracking service says you're package is supposed to be delivered on a certain day, and it does NOT arrive then! What a let down!

This was on the news yesterday: UPS blamed a delivery delay on "train derailment" -- now widely viewed as a cover up. More here.

Lol that's great. Sounds like me and a few others I'm sure.

Doug - excellent poem!

LOL on the flailing leg and then the Irish response.

Very good. Those of us outside of the US get the extra thrill when we see the package has passed though customs duty free. My poor kids are always saying "oh no, another parcel for Daddy, when do we get something".

Can't wait to hear this live!

A fantastic poem. I should've known it'd be you who wrote this Doug when I saw the title.

I'm also looking forward to the recital. I hope I get to be there.


And I always love how when I pick up the package at first, it's much lighter than my arms anticipated.

Douglas how do you know what it's like to smoke crack while listening to “We Will Rock You” blaring over the stereo? ;)

"Douglas how do you know what it's like to smoke crack while listening to “We Will Rock You” blaring over the stereo? ;)"

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I saw it in a movie? I mean, yeah, I saw it in a movie! That's it. Yeah.....