I thought the Contest & Sponsored Giveaway! would be ripe for lampooning in a Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (BFLC) way, but I didn't want to pollute that noble thread, so here goes:
"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the coulior (for it is in the High Sierra that our scene lies), rattling along the treetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of my alcohol stove that struggled against the darkness."
An actual entry from the 2010 BLFC, apt for BPL:
"The wind whispering through the pine trees and the sun reflecting off the surface of Lake Tahoe like a scattering of diamonds was an idyllic setting, while to the south the same sun struggled to penetrate a sky choked with farm dust and car exhaust over Bakersfield, a town spread over the lower San Joaquin Valley like a brown stain on a wino’s trousers, which is where, unfortunately, this story takes place."
--Dennis Doberneck, Paso Robles, CA
and my own:
"Ryan squinted and carefully surveyed his gear closet, although most would say it was more of a warehouse, competing with the likes of REI and Sierra Trading Post, able to easily outfit a party of 5 or 6 for both tropical and arctic climes, and grabbed the last of his wife's laundry that had been spread evenly on top of the plastic bins to dry."