I get where Peter is coming from. For example, my wife and I have completely different ideas of how to dispose of our bodies when we're dead(deja vu thread from a month or so ago). I want to be disposed of in a way where my body returns to the earth instead of stewing away in a box and full of chemicals. My wife wants to be buried in a casket. We may not agree with each other on this topic but we won't dishonor the other's wishes either.
I think that this is what bothers me so much about this thread. The way I read it, it really isn't about honoring the deceased as much as it is about exploring the feelings of the author in spite of the deceased's wishes to the contrary.
A spontaneous act of infidelity is bad. An effort to maintain an extramarital affair is even worse. Publicly broadcasting this affair for God knows what purpose takes it to another horrible level altogether.
I know this is all pretty harsh but I'm having great difficulty giving the author the benefit of the doubt and living by "judge not". There may be more to the story but all I have to go with is what I've read here.
Edit: My apologies as this opinionated response really comes across, and rightly so, as being self-righteous. By no means am I pretending to be perfect. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life and I have my own personal regrets that I have to live with. The OP really struck a nerve with me when I read about the unknowing wife. I really hope you straighten this out with her and wish you the best of luck.