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Misty Sunshine
(MistySunshine) - F

Locale: In the waters along the trail
What Matters Most on 10/26/2010 15:56:53 MDT Print View

Misty,

I love you forever my sweet Misty Sunshine.

And in accepting this is how you feel about me, I have come to accept the unacceptable- that I am going to lose you now and that I must let you go.

(The doctors are going to take you off of life support in an hour from now and I have no way to get to you).

But before I let you go, I need you to know how special you are in this world.

I understand how you feel, that you want to leave this world with less than a foot print on the beach to be washed away by the incoming tide to mark your passing.

I understand exactly how you feel about yourself because you are a reflection of where I have been in my own life, it is the special connection we share- a connection that is once in a life time.

How I know we both wished we had met in another life time or simply had met a year before we did.

If I had two lives, I would gladly spend a life time with you to share adventures together and grow old together. To take you high into the mountains with me, to bath in the cold snow melt waters, to cradle you in my arms as we laid out on the smooth granite shores savoring the warm of the sun and of each others as the breeze sung us their song in the branches of the trees.

As I hike deep into the back country on my journeys, I will listen to your sweet voice whispering to me in the trees and I will know that you are always with me. I will carry apart of you with me, each new adventure and each new step I take along that new trail around the bend.

You may think that Life is done with you, Misty Rose Michigan, but I am not done with you my love.

In letting you go, as horribly painful as it is, you have made me realize how precious all my relationships are.

You have made me want to be a better husband, that in better loving my wife, I am honoring you and what you wanted for me.

If there is a heaven or hell, I want to be there with you someday to share with you all of the adventures that I have had in my lifetime and for us to have a chance to finally touch each others with a simple loving kiss.

While Stephen is reading this to you my love, know that Stephen, who's name I will never pronounce correctly because of your silly ass, is honoring your request to let you go.

Know that you chose well for him to be the father you never had, that he looks upon you as a daughter he loves deeply, and that he has never left your side, that he has done his best to make sure that you do not die alone......that you are never alone.

So it is time for us to say goodbye Misty.

I am proud of you for the strength you have had and for giving so much of yourselves to others....your patients and your friends.....and because you wanted so little for yourself in return.

I told you to be selfish for once in your life and now this is the time for you to do just that.

Let go of this world Misty and journey on to where we will follow you and you can greet us later with your wicked laugh and naughty smile.

Take comfort in knowing that those of us you leave behind will never forget you and that we have each other and we will be fine in your absence.

Misty Sunshine Falls From My Eyes,
As the Warmth of the Sun Kisses my Face,
Gentle cool pine breeze whispers to me through the trees,
Washing over my body,
Cold from the icy waters,
I lay upon the warm granite,
And I imagine that you are with me.

Now let go my love and be with me now and forever.

-Tony

Email Sent to me upon Misty's Death

My dearest Sir, friend and lover,

Words are not a strong suit with me as with you, but you needed to know ever since i've known you, tortured you, smaked you around, hummmm should i go on my little troll? i have never laughed so much nor felt more alive in all my life. Never looked forward to my next day so much, just so i could visit with you. Read your words, OMG, the words that, well no way for you to know how they made me feel. My time is coming, i'm ready, this life has not been all that much fun except the times with you even when you were bitching at me lol.

Please take care of that wonderful family you've been blessed with, let me and the memory's of me go and love her and that precious daughter of yours. After all i'm just a ghost on a screen. This is for you and you alone, don't want anyone thinking i've gone mushy now. i've instructed Stephen on how to close this account and to do so when i'm gone. No reason for keeping it open anymore, you need to do the same on your end-take me off everything please, it would be my luck this would hurt your family after i'm gone. Take this as my last wish make me dissappear from your internet NOW-don't linger just do it (even the pics my evil cat took).

Everytime you see water on your camping trips i'll be there, i so love the water, no more pain or sorrow hopefully just peace, i think it will be. i will be the internet stalker of all the pictures you take from now on in all your hiking trips, they were soooooooooooo pretty-don't ever stop. Such a gift you have, it should be shared by all. When you get beat up in your (Martial Art) classes, i'll be the one in the corner laughing and cheering you on by turn. The only thing i think i'll miss is you, the only regret i have is not coming there when i first got sick, stupid me thought i could kick this, i'm sorry for leaving you, for leaving the fantasy of us unfulfilled, maybe in the next life huh?

For me please keep writing the wonderful words, take pictures for the world to see, and go on each hike seeing through the eyes of someone whose never seen it, god i'm going to miss you. And f#ck you for being so good to me-yes-F#CK YOU in a good bye letter, wouldn't be from me if it wasn't!

Love you
Misty-your personal sadist/maschist (depending on the moment-lol)

Misty Rose Michigan 05-10-1974 to 10-25-2010

Misty

Sunshine


I sent my email to Misty a few minutes before they took her off of life support. Stephen received my email knowing that I would send one to Misty even before I woke up in the middle of the night to write it. He read her my letter just before she died.


You have found the hidden link in all the photo essays that I have posted since Misty died, which is my memorial to her and the unexpected love that we found.

Thank you for taking the time to read this memorial of my love and of my grief over her death.

In your reading this, you are allowing her memory to live on, rather than to fade away into oblivion.

All that I ask is that if you have any thoughts you would like to share or questions regarding Misty and our relationship, please PM me through MistySunshine's profile out of respect of my wife and daughter- both who I love dearly.

Sometimes we can not help who we fall in love with, despite our best efforts not to.

Gratefully,

Tony

Update: 08-16-11

I hiked the 220 mile John Muir Trail with a copy of these letters in my pocket with an onyx ring tied to a cord and attached them. A wedding ring of sorts for Misty. For 220 miles I had a chance to talk to Misty, cry over Misty, and to daydream of all the things that could never be. I left them at the top of Mt. Whitney in the registry box. It is as close to heaven as I could get. In the end, my grief was spent and I left my pain on the top of the mountain. My grief is now sorrow and hopefully will just turn into sadness one day soon.

Update 08-29-11

Today I learned that Stephen died only a few months after Misty pasted away. As I mourn his passing, I like to think that he is now in heaven with Misty. His arm gently around her shoulder, always looking over her as he did in life. A man with a heart bigger and stronger than the one that actually gave out in his body. I will always be eternally grateful for all that he was able to do for Misty that I could not. He truly was the father that she never had and showed me that family is the one of our making, not just by blood alone. Rest in peace my Friend.

Edited by MistySunshine on 11/22/2013 01:26:18 MST.

Hiking Malto
(gg-man) - F
Re: What matters most on 10/26/2010 18:59:46 MDT Print View

Where's the Carbon Flame War thread?

Travis Leanna
(T.L.) - MLife

Locale: Wisconsin
Re: Re: What matters most on 10/26/2010 19:13:46 MDT Print View

At least it's in chaff. But I must say that I'm 100%, utterly and completely confused on all accounts.

Tom Kirchner
(ouzel) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest/Sierra
Re: Re: Re: What matters most on 10/26/2010 20:40:48 MDT Print View

"But I must say that I'm 100%, utterly and completely confused on all accounts."

If you think you're confused, consider the plight of poor Misty. You'll feel better. Guaranteed.

Steven Paris
(saparisor) - M

Locale: Pacific Northwest
Huh. on 10/26/2010 20:49:50 MDT Print View

Early when this post appeared, I clicked on the BP profile link, which included an equally odd and oddly-written profile about how Misty was an RN with an abusive past, blah, blah, blah.

Gone now.

Doug I.
(idester) - MLife

Locale: MidAtlantic
Re: What Matters Most on 10/26/2010 22:16:56 MDT Print View

NA

Edited by idester on 10/25/2013 11:43:52 MDT.

Doug I.
(idester) - MLife

Locale: MidAtlantic
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: What matters most on 10/26/2010 22:26:51 MDT Print View

"Probably one of the more bizarre posts in my 2 years here at BPL."

Gee, thanks for the challenge Travis.....

Travis Leanna
(T.L.) - MLife

Locale: Wisconsin
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: What matters most on 10/27/2010 05:00:57 MDT Print View

Doug, I have faith in you!

Rog Tallbloke
(tallbloke) - F

Locale: DON'T LOOK DOWN!!
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: What matters most on 10/27/2010 06:05:55 MDT Print View

Misty said:
This is for you and you alone


Ooops.

Edited by tallbloke on 10/27/2010 06:06:28 MDT.

Travis Leanna
(T.L.) - MLife

Locale: Wisconsin
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: What matters most on 10/27/2010 06:20:47 MDT Print View

ya, always read the instructions first.

Dave U
(FamilyGuy) - F

Locale: Rockies
What matters most on 10/27/2010 08:03:49 MDT Print View

Poor Misty. We received the love letter and she received a note on questioning the Clo value of the new BPL 240 quilts.

Daniel Goldenberg
(dag4643) - M

Locale: Pacific Northwet
Re: What matters most on 10/27/2010 08:25:01 MDT Print View

PLAY MISTY FOR ME:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFLwJpW6cDw

Katharina ....
(Kat_P) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Coast
Misty on 10/27/2010 09:00:13 MDT Print View

How sad, for everyone involved.

Misty Sunshine
(MistySunshine) - F

Locale: In the waters along the trail
Re: What Matters Most on 10/25/2013 00:52:02 MDT Print View

How Do You Say Good Bye When Your Soul Is Breaking

At the end of this month I will be starting a 16 day and 220 mile backpacking trip to hike the John Muir Trail, which ends at the top of Mt. Whitney- the highest peak in the continental United States at 14,496 Ft.

On this journey, I am going to carry two letters with me and an onxy ring, which I will leave at the summit of Mt. Whitney. They are the only real physical memories that I have of Sunshine to remind me of her, these letters. As she is the dark love of my life, it only seems fitting that I should leave her a wedding ring of sorts. A perfect dark circle of needs and desires fulfilled within each of us by the other, joined by the hand of unintended fate.

It was on a Monday morning, between 1 AM and 2 AM that I found out that they were going to take Sunshine off life support by 6 AM, my time. I cried out across the internet, "My God, what should I do!?" I wanted to get onto airplane and to go to her side, to hold her hand, to have her see the face of the one she had fallen in love with, to know that I was there for her. It just seemed wrong that she should die without ever having held my hand. But it could not be as she had given her friends strict instructions to not tell me where she was. She was petrified of hurting my marriage or destroying my family. She knew better, she knew me because if I had the chance, I would have gone to her side despite the consequences to myself.

So I went to bed with tears in my eyes and emotionally exhausted by the frustration of my situation and the utter helplessness to do anything. Even if I had rushed to her side, she would never see me, hear me, or even know I was there because she was in a medically induced coma after suffering excruciating pain from the cancer that was ravaging her young body.

I suddenly woke up wide awake at 5 AM, an hour before she was going to die. I silently slipped out of bed and walked out to my living room and turned on my computer and for fifty five minutes I wrote. Then I send my email to her, not knowing if she would ever receive it or hear my words.

I went back to bed, laying down next to my wife and I remember gently stroking my wife's arm while she slept deeply with a soft snore. I remember leaning over and gently giving my wife a kiss- thankful for her being in my life. I was laying on my side and seeing the dawn's early light break the darkness, that edge of night giving way to the light of day that destroys all the beautiful illusions we create in the night. I remember sobbing silently so my wife would not hear me. I remember thinking that as I was laying warmly in my bed, my Sunshine would not see the sunrise again and that I was going to lose her forever.

This is the letter that I wrote to her

Ian B.
(IDBLOOM) - MLife

Locale: PNW
Re: Re: What Matters Most on 10/25/2013 10:39:25 MDT Print View

Edit: OK I'll take Katharina's word for it.

Edited by IDBLOOM on 10/25/2013 11:12:00 MDT.

Katharina ....
(Kat_P) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Coast
Re: Re: Re: What Matters Most on 10/25/2013 10:48:03 MDT Print View

Ian, it is a legit post.

OP.... I guess you are pretty confident your wife will never check these BPL posts.
I am sorry for the loss and pain to all involved, even those that do not know they are part of it.

Peter S
(prse) - MLife

Locale: Denmark
3 years on 10/25/2013 12:10:57 MDT Print View

So, 3 years later, you are still thinking about another woman than your wife? You need help my friend. I'm sorry for you.

jerry adams
(retiredjerry) - MLife

Locale: Oregon and Washington
Re: What Matters Most on 10/25/2013 12:25:33 MDT Print View

Tough crowd here

I guess that's just how it is on the internet sometimes

Hopefully this is therapeutic for you

Doug I.
(idester) - MLife

Locale: MidAtlantic
Re: What Matters Most on 10/25/2013 18:15:13 MDT Print View

OP, for you. Hope you find peace.

Dean F.
(acrosome) - MLife

Locale: Back in the Front Range
Re: Re: Re: Re: What Matters Most on 10/27/2013 20:20:35 MDT Print View

@Kat- "Ian, it is a legit post."

If it is, it is nonetheless kinda creepy. I mean, why post it here? What's the motivation? There have GOT to more appropriate fora around the interwebs.

Granted, at least it's in chaff.