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Michael Crosby
(djjmikie) - MLife

Locale: Ky
How Fights Start on 03/08/2010 10:44:01 MST Print View

My wife sat down on the seat next to me as I was flipping
channels.She asked, 'What's on TV?'I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...


My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside
The road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
Sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
For Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...




My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?''Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible;I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's dam near perfect.'
And then the fight started

Doug I.
(idester) - MLife

Locale: MidAtlantic
Re: How Fights Start on 03/08/2010 11:58:47 MST Print View

LOFL! (Sorry, I cuss a lot...)

Travis Leanna
(T.L.) - MLife

Locale: Wisconsin
Re: Re: How Fights Start on 03/08/2010 12:16:28 MST Print View

HAHA, nice!

I've got a true one along those lines. My girlfriend made a comment on how she liked how honest I was with her. The next day she asked how she looked in a particular outfit, and I said, "Well, its not the greatest I've seen you look." And then the (short) fight started.

Ben 2 World
(ben2world) - MLife

Locale: So Cal
Re: How Fights Start on 03/08/2010 14:31:56 MST Print View

LOL!!

When a woman asks you how she looks, etc. -- what are you supposed to say anyway?? Or we're just doomed every which way?

Michael Crosby
(djjmikie) - MLife

Locale: Ky
RE: "How Fights Start" on 03/08/2010 14:34:12 MST Print View

After being married for 20 years, I believe we are just doomed.
The phrases I have said most:
"Yes dear"
"Please stop helping me"

The thought I do not have the balls to say:
"Please stop talking"

Mike

Edited by djjmikie on 03/08/2010 14:40:55 MST.

Ben 2 World
(ben2world) - MLife

Locale: So Cal
How to Live Free on 03/08/2010 14:46:33 MST Print View

I knew there was a reason why I didn't want to get married!! :)

Doug I.
(idester) - MLife

Locale: MidAtlantic
Re: Re: How Fights Start on 03/08/2010 14:49:38 MST Print View

"When a woman asks you how she looks, etc. -- what are you supposed to say anyway??"

The best answer I could come up with while I was married (side benefit-it was always true!) was: "Sweetie, you look just like the woman I fell madly in love with xx years ago, which is quite beautiful to me."

george carr
(hammer-one) - F

Locale: Walking With The Son
Re: How Fights Start on 03/08/2010 14:51:47 MST Print View

About 19 years ago I was watching the classic AT video "5 Million Steps", and was totally absorbed in the video, when my new bride asked me to pull away from the video and look at her. My reply (without turning from the tube, or engaging my brain)was "Why, I've seen you before". She's a good sport and we both got a laugh out of it, but she still remembers all these years later......

Ike Mouser
(isaac.mouser) - F
women vs men on 03/08/2010 15:04:17 MST Print View

the essence of men and women relations can be summed up simply as thus:

Men say EXACTLY what they mean, women never say what they mean.

Katharina ....
(Kat_P) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Coast
bs on 03/08/2010 15:18:31 MST Print View

the essence of men and women relations can be summed up simply as thus:

Men say EXACTLY what they mean, women never say what they mean.

I say "BS" to that. Wait, what I meant was "I agree with it", oh no, now that I said it I don't mean it anymore. My little brain gets so confused...

Ken Thompson
(kthompson) - MLife
How Fights Start on 03/08/2010 15:22:54 MST Print View

I've learned not to answer certain types of questions. Also women are never fat, just too short for their weight. But how tall does she need to be?

Bob Gross
(--B.G.--) - F

Locale: Silicon Valley
Re: bs on 03/08/2010 15:27:33 MST Print View

Don't do what I say. Do what I mean! :-)

--B.G.--

Ben 2 World
(ben2world) - MLife

Locale: So Cal
Re: bs on 03/08/2010 15:37:01 MST Print View

Bob:

Is that along the lines of "do I really need to spell everything out...if you care, then you should know"? B.S = being sensitive.

Edited by ben2world on 03/08/2010 15:38:03 MST.

Bob Gross
(--B.G.--) - F

Locale: Silicon Valley
the best line of all on 03/08/2010 15:48:07 MST Print View

The best line was delivered by my boss umpty zillion years ago. I had done a task, and then he supervised. He made a recommendation for small change. I did the task again with the change, and every corner of the new result showed the change. The boss saw what happened and said:

"Bob, don't make so much out of what I say."

--B.G.--

drowning in spam
(leaftye) - F

Locale: SoCal
Re: Re: How Fights Start on 03/08/2010 16:00:39 MST Print View

but she still remembers all these years later......

I suspect this is why most of them were taught to keep a journal from a young age.

Tom Kirchner
(ouzel) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest/Sierra
Re: Reason not to get married on 03/08/2010 17:34:52 MST Print View

"I knew there was a reason why I didn't want to get married!!"

Only one??

Tom Kirchner
(ouzel) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest/Sierra
Re: Re: Re: How Fights Start on 03/08/2010 17:36:55 MST Print View

"The best answer I could come up with while I was married (side benefit-it was always true!) was: "Sweetie, you look just like the woman I fell madly in love with xx years ago, which is quite beautiful to me."

Which worked fine until she remembered that you'd only been married xx - 1 years. ;}

Tom Kirchner
(ouzel) - MLife

Locale: Pacific Northwest/Sierra
Yet another "How" on 03/08/2010 17:44:18 MST Print View

My wife and I were walking along a running trail when a comely young lass glided by. Quite involuntarily, I cast an appreciative glance in her direction and my wife registered her disapproval in no uncertain terms. Not knowing when to let well enough alone, I replied, "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, Honey, as long as you eat at home". And then the fight began... :(

Doug I.
(idester) - MLife

Locale: MidAtlantic
Re: Re: Re: Re: How Fights Start on 03/08/2010 17:46:28 MST Print View

"Which worked fine until she remembered that you'd only been married xx - 1 years. ;}"

It's always the fine print that kills ya.....

Travis Leanna
(T.L.) - MLife

Locale: Wisconsin
Re: Yet another "How" on 03/08/2010 17:47:20 MST Print View

>"It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, Honey, as long as you eat at home"

Here's another: "You may be on a diet, but you can still look at the menu!"