Well, I'm certainly not going to post something that might be admissible in court! :o)
I could supply endless funny stories about various objects I've pulled out of people's rectums, though. I'm the guy they call for that...
A toy train (the wheels had something to do with it, apparently).
A bottle of cologne.
Turkey baster bulbs.
Various fruit and vegetables, of course.
A nail (!)
Pens. (Actually, I guess it is easier to loose smaller objects up there...)
A wax candle that softened and deformed sideways and caused a perforation when his rectum contracted. Ouch.
Actually, I found a vacuum cleaner attachment all the way up by a guy's hepatic flexure, once. That had to be a good story, but he wasn't talking...
Various plastic bottles: shampoo, vegetable oil, whatever.
And, of course, various objects actually designed for such things.
Oh! And a fish! It was a small de-finned trout, as I recall. With a prophylactic over it. The tail was still sticking out, but he'd missed a fin and just couldn't remove it on his own. We sedated him and dilated him, and got it out.
I could just go on and on. Suffice to say that if it seems like it might just possibly fit, I've probably removed one.
And they all "fell on it."
Incidentally, when a guy comes to the emergency room SPAK (status: post a$$-kicking) the story is ALWAYS: "I was walkin' down da street, mindin' my own bidness, when TWO DUDES jumped me for no reason." The implication being, of course, that if it was only one dude the victim could have taken him. When someone comes in stabbed more often than not the perpetrator was "some FEMALE DOG", if you know what I mean... Evidently, in that demographic the women like to carry knives. Men carry guns, of course. This is America, after all... :o)