"Lynchburg, VA---Local Search-and-Rescue coordinators disbanded their operation when they discovered, unbeknownst to them up until this point, that mounting a search effort for lost and hurt recreationists in the back-country costs money. "All this time we've been helping people, we didn't realize that we were hurting other people--other people's bottom lines. It really is just unconscionable and everyone at the organization has had a change of heart," said Tom Scarborough, chief coordinator for the VA Search-and-Rescue team. He continued, "I'm not sure I'll be able to make up for all the damage I've done, in my years of helping rescue people, but I'm going to try. We've taken the first step here--after recognizing the pain and suffering we've inflicted on the community's bottom line--and decided to disband all official Search-and-Rescue operations from this point forward."
That SAR operations cost money was brought to the attention of officials such as Mr. Scarborough after Ken Knight, an experienced backpacker, went missing last week. Fortunately he was found, but not after, as recluses and social outcasts on the internet pointed out, money was spent in the effort to rescue him. "If you go hiking, that's a risk you take, and the taxpayer shouldn't be stuck with the bill," fat_lazy_loser_1975 said. "And the same goes for airplane crashes, car wrecks, and natural disasters." He went on to say that the best way to avoid causing pain and suffering to taxpayers was to stay at home, on the couch, and post nasty comments on internet forums--a recreational activity that exercises the mind without putting the body in any jeopardy."