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Parental Resume
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Dave U
(FamilyGuy) - F

Locale: Rockies
Parental Resume on 02/24/2009 12:05:56 MST Print View

So for those current parents or parents to be...looking back, would you take the job?

POSITION:


Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsi bilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more..

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do... or forward with love to anyone thinkin g of applying for the job.




** AND A FOOTNOTE 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!

Ali e
(barefootnavigator) - F

Locale: Outside
"Parental Resume" on 02/24/2009 12:16:02 MST Print View

HELL NO, I/we got out of it with our lives. Lets see raise a bunch of brats for 20 plus years or be free to travel and play till the very end. HUMMM No kids in my future just lots of fun. yeah fun. :) Ali

Dave U
(FamilyGuy) - F

Locale: Rockies
Parental Resume on 02/24/2009 12:27:07 MST Print View

I have 3 under the age of 8. Any chance you could babysit?

Craig W.
(xnomanx) - F - M
Re: Parental Resume on 02/24/2009 12:52:34 MST Print View

I have a 5 year old daughter and 7 year old son.
Without a doubt, becoming a father is the best thing I've ever done...
...and probably the best I'll ever do.

Joe Clement
(skinewmexico) - MLife

Locale: Southwest
Parental Resume on 02/24/2009 13:05:33 MST Print View

Never wanted kids. Had an oops. Decided to have one more, had an oops with twins. I haven't done very well as a parent (in my opinion), but my life would be much less rich without them. And I'd be a lot less of a person.

Nate Meinzer
(Rezniem) - F

Locale: San Francisco
Twins on 02/24/2009 13:13:54 MST Print View

I think it'd be such a blast to raise twins. I'm a twin myself and my mother's stories of all the crazy trouble we got into as little ones are very entertaining. We had some gibberish language we used, apparently, to coordinate mischief before we could speak.

Joe Clement
(skinewmexico) - MLife

Locale: Southwest
Parental Resume on 02/24/2009 13:55:00 MST Print View

Oh yeah, the twin thing sounds like a lot of fun in retrospect. Kind of like all the college stories people tell that are so funny, but were scary as sh*t when they happened. Or women telling funny stories about labor. I have 3 years I really don't remember there.

Patrick Browning
(optimator) - F
Twins on 02/24/2009 13:59:15 MST Print View

Joe, I'm the Father of twins myself.... Girls.. 16 years old. And unfortunately, absolutely beautiful (The boys are calling...)! I'll PM you later and touch bases.........

Edited by optimator on 02/25/2009 07:34:36 MST.

Jay Wilkerson
(Creachen) - MLife

Locale: East Bay
Parental Resume on 02/24/2009 14:20:33 MST Print View

I have a 8yr old boy and I am officially out of the baby making business- But practising is still fun!! My 8yr old really likes to go backpacking with me and he is at a fun age and much more manageable. We are planning some good hikes for this summer and going to the Lost Coast at Spring Break. Life is good!!

-Jay