Whoever said that we are just smelly, dirty animals and we should embrace that - I AGREE! Bodily fluids, germs and odors are a fact of life and despite trying mightily to overcome that in recent centuries with chemicals, sprays, perfumes, wipes, and Charmin... if you look at the big picture, all you need in life is some soap and water and you'll be fine.
This whole squeamishness about no TP is very first-world. As I'm sure it's been pointed out already, there are people all over the world not using toilet paper on a daily basis. And I've held hands with some of them :)
ps: When backpacking, I swing both ways (and pack it out when using TP) but on a regular basis I always do a very thorough bathing of certain areas with a limited amount of soap and water - using my hands. So what's the difference between washing up at the end of the day and washing up immediately after? I'd say for me personally, not a huge difference. You're going to be smelly and germy regardless of whether you use toilet paper or leaves.
edited to add pps: This thread has been really entertaining... and educational! I liked learning about the Romans :)